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By The Betches on

Dear Head Pro,

I'm not very good at being witty or sassy (obvs can't compete with you there) so I'm just going to cut to the chase here. What's a bros stance on tall girls? I'm not talking like the "OMG. When I wear heels I'm 5'10"" thing I hear far too often. This is more of the "I'm 6'1" barefoot and tower over everyone" problem. Now I'm sure the picture in your head is this beastly basketball player, or giant whale, but that's not the case at all. I've got legs for days and was blessed with my mother's good looks. I've even done some modeling (not that that means much these days).

I only ask because I've been getting a lot of shit for it as of late. All my shorter guy friends keep telling me I'm going to be alone forever because no one really wants a girl taller than them. I normally would say "Fuck you", then go make out with the hot guy at the bar, but it's starting to make me wonder. When the amazonian woman walks down the street and everyone stares are they thinking "Look how tall and pretty that betch is" or "Holy shit it's a monster! Everyone get inside!"?

Love you, mean it

A Tall Betch

Dear Tall Betch,

Fuck your guy friends. Wait, that didn’t come out right. Tell your guy friends to fuck off, there that’s better. As regular readers can attest, I absolutely love making fun of people for all sorts of reasons (being fat, being dumb, being poor, etc), but I’m a professional. What’s not cool with me is when people make fun of someone for something they legitimately, physically could never change. For one thing, it’s just uncreative. For another thing, in this case in particular it just smacks of jealousy. It’s not your fault that all your brofriends are stuck nibbling on girls’ ankles to get their attention while you’ve never once had to worry about someone blocking your view at the movies.

Truth be told, for some guys yes, you are going to be too tall. If a guy’s like 5’8” or less, neither one of you are going to be comfortable with that. But for anyone else, it’s their problem, not yours. I’m not as tall as you are, but do you think I give a shit? No, a hot girl is a hot girl. Sure, when you first walk in somewhere you’re going to get some stares because you’re probably one of the taller people there, let alone the tallest girl. But otherwise, do you think guys would point and laugh if Alessandra Ambrosio (not quite as tall but still) walked in? Of course not, as long as they aren’t insecure pussies.

Fuck the haters. If anything, your height makes it easier for you to weed out the broseurs.

I’d Climb That Mountain,

Head Pro

Dear HP,

So I have this dilemma, and I could really use the mature male's perspective on it.  So for my 17th birthday I got breast implants as a gift from my parents.  I LOVED them.  I felt really confident and ready to start college next fall looking hott.  However, now I am a senior about to graduate college and I absolutely HATE my boobs.  The clothes that I want to wear just don't seem to look right on me anymore.  It's not that I've gained weight (because I haven't), it's just that I'm finding it exceedingly more difficult to buy clothes that look good on me now that I'm getting older and dressing more conservative.  I've never been one to flaunt my boobs, but now I find myself ashamed of them almost.  I'm squeezing into 34DD bras and I just find myself so over it.

Here's the major question: Should I get my implants taken out? Or at least get smaller ones put in?  Every time I bring it up to a guy, of course their immediate reaction is "NO, DON'T DO IT!!"  I don't want guys to look at me differently or be less attracted to me if I have smaller boobs.  Obviously I want to look my best to attract bros, but I just can't seem to find just what it is I should do.  Am I just feeling this way because I'm transitioning out of college? Or is this something I should really pursue?  I'd really appreciate your opinion on this.

Thanks,
To DD or not to DD

Dear DD,

First of all, I’m not sure whether I should shake your parents’ hands or report them. A boob job for a minor? Christ. “Here honey, to show you how much we love you we’re going to make sure you have a clear and obvious path to a life of objectification.” Anyway, what’s done is done, and now you have a big ‘ole set of knockers and you aren’t sure what to do with them. I suppose there are worse problems.

Your guy friends are going to tell you to keep them in a) because they want to fuck you and b) because no guy is ever going to say “yes, it would be better if your boobs were smaller.” It’s just not in our vocabulary. In reality though, I don’t know any guys for whom simply having giant boobs = attractive. Sure, it doesn’t hurt, but I’ve never looked at a girl and thought “man, she’d be hot if she had bigger boobs.” For me, it’s just not that big of a deal. Some guys are “boob guys”, yes, but if a guy ever disqualifies you because of your tits, he probably has some personal issues he should be handling.

Like I’ve said before, a girl is hottest when she’s the healthiest, happiest version of herself, and it doesn’t sound like that’s where you are if your body makes wearing certain things uncomfortable. Stop tying your self-worth and attractiveness to your tit size, and do whatever you think will make you happy.

Motorboat Kisses,

Head Pro

Got a question? Email the Head Pro here and follow him on twitter @betchesheadpro

27 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. to girl number one says:

    most girls do not want guys SHORTER than them so newsflash maybe your haterade drinking bro friends shud stfu and down some miracle gro instead

    supermodels are tall. victoria’s secret angels are tall. and they are considered goddesses among men

    enough said. own ur regulation hotness =)

    Posted on Reply
  2. Your Name says:

    How cute is head pro? In love

    Posted on Reply
  3. ella says:

    Why should someone stare if Alessandra Ambrosio comes in? She’s 5’8 TOPS. You’re talking complete BS.

    Posted on Reply
    • Dee says:

      I’m 5’8 and get looks/comments for being tall all the time. People (especially pros - including head pro apparently - dreams crushed) are SHORT in DC.

      Posted on Reply
      • Um says:

        5’8” is not tall. Sorry.

        Posted on Reply
  4. Ccup says:

    A 17 year old with breast implants? Jesus your parents must be idiots.

    Posted on Reply
  5. TanBetch says:

    Damn I love head pro so much.  Thank you so much for pointing out in the very first line that any parents who get a 17 year old breast implants are sick in the head.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Itty Bitty Betch says:

    To DD, get those things out! Naturals the way to go..looks better 80% of the time and feels better 100%. Plus small boobs look chic in fucking anything (so long as you got the small frame to match).

    Posted on Reply
    • skinny betch says:

      so true! small boobs look sooo much better in everything from dresses to tshirts. they make you look thinner wink

      Posted on Reply
  7. HP Fan says:

    Solid advice today HP. You’ve been seriously on point lately, if I knew for sure you were a guy I’d probably send you some interesting emails..

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    To DD or not to DD - I was cursed/blessed with massive boobs and after years of back pain and a lot of thought, finally had a breast reduction in December. My boobs are now a c, and trust me I feel like they could still be smaller!!! I’ve never felt better before and clothes fit me perfectly. I also look like I’ve dropped ten pounds as my whole frame looks smaller.
    Don’t get unnecessary surgery if you’re not sure about it - but if it is something you are seriously considering, I have yet to hear of one person who hasn’t fallen in love with their new and slightly smaller breasts.

    Posted on Reply
  9. tall girl says:

    As a tall and slim girl, I have dated guys a bit shorter than me and it’s not a problem as long as they aren’t slim built. Find yourself a confident, well built guy…(just like any girl would want) and tell your lame guy friends to eff off. Head pro called it.

    Posted on Reply
  10. beetch says:

    DD,
    I would go a size smaller if I were you. It will make you feel more comfortable and happier with yourself, and bros dig that just as much as gigantic breasts.

    Posted on Reply
    • brotastic says:

      actually, bros do dig gigantic breasts

      Posted on Reply
  11. Andrea says:

    High five for self-esteem!

    Posted on Reply
  12. sam says:

    dear tall betch,
    that’s ridiculous, head pro is totally right. i’m the same height as you and from my entire group of friends i do the best with guys. why? cuz im hot and i have the attitude plus confidence bros and/or pros love. lots of guys, including shockingly short ones sometimes (ewww) hit on me and/or ask me out and if anything being tall def makes me stand out. and if your guy friends tell you otherwise, there may be a shred of truth to it, but they probably also have a bad case of Napoleon complex.

    Posted on Reply
  13. cheers betch says:

    Tots on point with both of these.  To the first girl, any confident and secure man would be happy to have a beautiful tall woman on his arm, anyone who can’t handle it has an issue with their self esteem not with your height.  As to the second girl, who the fuck buys their 17 year old a boob job LET ALONE DOUBLE D’S. That’s fucking crazy.  I’m not opposed to plastic surgery if you’re mature enough to make that decision which clearly you weren’t.

    Posted on Reply
  14. obviously more confident than you says:

    To DD- you are definitely indecisive about whether you want big fake boobs or small natural ones. In 4 years you’ll probably change your mind again… just don’t do anything because once an insecure girl, always an insecure girl. Enjoy your 17th bday pres.
    And P.S. won’t your parents, like, hate you if you get the implants out? They obvs thought you needed them and a superficial mommy is always right

    Posted on Reply
  15. Gay betch says:

    Is it just me or is HP totally gay? Lol.

    Posted on Reply
  16. j says:

    having purchased myself a great rack about a year ago, i’d tell you to keep them in and hire a personal shopper if you’re having that much trouble dressing conservatively.  34DDs are big, but they’re not *that* big and you can definitely dress around them if you throw out your “add-a-size” and cleavage-enhancing bras.  if you were never that fond of showing them off in the first place, you never would have picked DDs, you would have gone with a normal C.  Admit to yourself that you’re trying to get away from whatever your large/fake boobed college reputation was, and consider all the ways your boobs make you happy!

    Posted on Reply
  17. fellow tall betch says:

    your short guy friends are clearly in love you and don’t really know how to express it other than making fun of you. like kindergarten.

    Posted on Reply
  18. Another Tall Betch says:

    To tall betch, I’m 5’10 and I despise it but what I’ve learned in the past year of having a steady guy on my arm is that men don’t give a fuck about height if it’s within a couple inches difference. In fact,  if you just shut up about it they’ll stop paying attention to it too. You constantly complaining about your height just makes them feel insecure that YOU think they’re too short for you. It’s a vicious cycle, I know, but a confident, leggy babe that looks better than everyone else in anything else isn’t someone that any man is gonna kick out of bed.

    Posted on Reply
    • anon. says:

      seriously I’m 5’4 and WISH I were 5’8 or 5’10!! own your tallness betches! lanky is hot!! short gals, keep your petiteness to avoid looking squat. that’s my strategy and it’s working so far.

      Posted on Reply
  19. Amen says:

    “a girl is hottest when she’s the healthiest, happiest version of herself”

    Take notes fugly bitches!

    Posted on Reply
  20. Your Name says:

    to itty bitty betch and skinny betch on feb 11, small boobs are not better, hotter, chic.. guys love boobs, why are you disagreeing/fighting with that. We cant help it and we dont understand it but boobs are awesome. With that being said big boobed betches with constant insecurities about their boobs being too big arent fun. A. tons of girls are jealous and want your boobs. B. You have one hell of an asset that you can use to your advantage, if you want to feel sexy show them off a bit, if you want to be professional businesslike cover them up more!  With that being said, when it comes down to it, it is your body you have to do what is right for you. if this isnt just a phase, and you really feel that your boobs are too big for whats next in your life and whats after that, then get a reduction. If you thoroughly enjoyed your big boobs for most of college, cover them up during interviews/work and focus on other things.

    Posted on Reply
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