Dear Head Pro,
I have a bit of a problem. I have been dating this pro who is 28 for a little while now and he is absolutely great. He has his shit together, a career, his own house, a car, and etc. He is absolutely the best boyfriend and exactly what I need/want in a husband. We have recently started talking more about the future and that's when he said something that threw me off.. He told me he doesn't want to have kids. Like WTF! I love my body, blacking out and having fun, but I would hope to someday have little betches in training of my own. Do you think he really means that or is it something guys just say? And if he does mean it do you think he would ever change his mind about it? I don't know what to do because I really like him and I things have been going great, but i don't think i love him enough to stay with him and never have kids.
Hugs and Kisses,
Dear Childless Betch,
So, has this guy been 28 for a while now, or is he 28 and you’ve been dating him for a while? Anyway, yikes. Maybe the Head Betches should make a new list entry for the Baby Crazy Betch. No, this is not something that “guys just say.” Why would we “just say” that? To sound cool or something? I have a feeling that’s what you’re hoping, because you don’t want to accept that this bro you love so much does not, at this point, want kids.
Lots of people go through life never wanting kids, but most eventually do. After all, reproduction is one of any species’ prime directives. When he says he doesn’t want kids, he probably means that he doesn’t want them at this moment. That could change, and it could also not. The problem is that there’s no way for him (or you) to know whether he’ll change his mind. That’s fine for him because he can father children until the day he dies, but you will eventually be old, lifeless, and barren. It’s a bummer, I know.
Realistically, you’re not even married to the guy yet so it’s way too early to freak out over babies. Keep it up, and eventually “I don’t want to have kids” will mean “I don’t want to have kids with you.” Just roll with it for a while and see if he starts showing more signs that he’s prepared to commit to you and start a family. Baby steps, as they say.
Hey Head Pro,
I'm a post-grad betch in med school, and I'm finding it really hard to meet normal, attractive, and single guys at school. I've been kind of surprised at how much harder it is to meet people than in college, but a lot of people are already taken or just pretty nerdy/not that attractive. Since I haven't really dated anyone seriously in the past year and a half now, I let my friends convince me to join okcupid. I never thought I'd end up trying online dating, but I guess that's where I'm at. So I'm wondering about a guy's perspective on online dating. Do guys see it as a way to find an actual relationship? Does it seem too desperate?
Getting Lonely in Grad School
Dear Getting Lonely,
I’m not sure why you’re so surprised that it’s more difficult, but whatever, here we are. Grad school isn’t going to be the sexual free for all that undergrad is, because there are fewer people and since those people are there by choice, they tend to be a little more serious. As far as guys thinking okCupid is lame, it depends on the guy. If he’s the kind of guy who thinks online dating is lame, then yeah, he’s probably going to think it’s lame when you do it too. If the guy doesn’t think it’s lame or is on okCupid himself, then I would think that he’d be ok with you doing it too.
The real issue is when you ask “do guys see it as a way to find an actual relationship?" Yeah, I’ll say that we do, because it’s a means of meeting new people. Normal and healthy people don’t go through life constantly explicitly “looking for a relationship.” That’s just sad and weird. Relationships are the result of meeting someone you like, not walking around as one half of a relationship desperately needing to be made whole. You’re worried about looking lame because to you, joining a site like that tells the world that you’re in need of a relationship, and it doesn’t have to be that way. All joining okCupid has to mean is that you’re single and looking to meet some new people.
Change your perspective and you’ll probably have better luck both online and off.