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By The Head Pro on

Dear Head Pro,

I have a bit of a problem. I have been dating this pro who is 28 for a little while now and he is absolutely great. He has his shit together, a career, his own house, a car, and etc. He is absolutely the best boyfriend and exactly what I need/want in a husband. We have recently started talking more about the future and that's when he said something that threw me off.. He told me he doesn't want to have kids. Like WTF! I love my body, blacking out and having fun, but I would hope to someday have little betches in training of my own. Do you think he really means that or is it something guys just say? And if he does mean it do you think he would ever change his mind about it? I don't know what to do because I really like him and I things have been going great, but i don't think i love him enough to stay with him and never have kids.

Hugs and Kisses,

Childless Betch

Dear Childless Betch,

So, has this guy been 28 for a while now, or is he 28 and you’ve been dating him for a while? Anyway, yikes. Maybe the Head Betches should make a new list entry for the Baby Crazy Betch. No, this is not something that “guys just say.” Why would we “just say” that? To sound cool or something? I have a feeling that’s what you’re hoping, because you don’t want to accept that this bro you love so much does not, at this point, want kids.

Lots of people go through life never wanting kids, but most eventually do. After all, reproduction is one of any species’ prime directives. When he says he doesn’t want kids, he probably means that he doesn’t want them at this moment. That could change, and it could also not. The problem is that there’s no way for him (or you) to know whether he’ll change his mind. That’s fine for him because he can father children until the day he dies, but you will eventually be old, lifeless, and barren. It’s a bummer, I know.

Realistically, you’re not even married to the guy yet so it’s way too early to freak out over babies. Keep it up, and eventually “I don’t want to have kids” will mean “I don’t want to have kids with you.” Just roll with it for a while and see if he starts showing more signs that he’s prepared to commit to you and start a family. Baby steps, as they say.

Butterfly Kisses,

Head Pro


Hey Head Pro,

I'm a post-grad betch in med school, and I'm finding it really hard to meet normal, attractive, and single guys at school.  I've been kind of surprised at how much harder it is to meet people than in college, but a lot of people are already taken or just pretty nerdy/not that attractive.  Since I haven't really dated anyone seriously in the past year and a half now, I let my friends convince me to join okcupid. I never thought I'd end up trying online dating, but I guess that's where I'm at.  So I'm wondering about a guy's perspective on online dating.  Do guys see it as a way to find an actual relationship?  Does it seem too desperate? 

Thanks!

Getting Lonely in Grad School

Dear Getting Lonely,

I’m not sure why you’re so surprised that it’s more difficult, but whatever, here we are. Grad school isn’t going to be the sexual free for all that undergrad is, because there are fewer people and since those people are there by choice, they tend to be a little more serious. As far as guys thinking okCupid is lame, it depends on the guy. If he’s the kind of guy who thinks online dating is lame, then yeah, he’s probably going to think it’s lame when you do it too. If the guy doesn’t think it’s lame or is on okCupid himself, then I would think that he’d be ok with you doing it too.

The real issue is when you ask “do guys see it as a way to find an actual relationship?" Yeah, I’ll say that we do, because it’s a means of meeting new people. Normal and healthy people don’t go through life constantly explicitly “looking for a relationship.” That’s just sad and weird. Relationships are the result of meeting someone you like, not walking around as one half of a relationship desperately needing to be made whole. You’re worried about looking lame because to you, joining a site like that tells the world that you’re in need of a relationship, and it doesn’t have to be that way. All joining okCupid has to mean is that you’re single and looking to meet some new people.

Change your perspective and you’ll probably have better luck both online and off.

Cyber Kisses,

Head Pro

15 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Nursebetch says:

    The first betch’s questions could easily be answered by just talking to her pro himself about it..what a concept, I know. If he really doesn’t want kids chances are he doesn’t want to be wasting his time with someone who does either. Good luck, girl.

    Posted on Reply
  2. okay says:

    to the first girl, i agree with the head pro’s advice, but it’s important to not waste too much time waiting to see if he starts to change his mind. seeing as youre not even engaged yet, it doesn’t have to be that big of a deal, but if he pops the question, then you really need to have an honest discussion about what you want out of your life and marriage, and if things don’t fit, then he’s not the one for you. But, like i said, you don’t want to waste the best years of your life waiting for something that might never happen.

    to the second girl, im sorry but if you’re on okcupid then you should definitely rethink your online dating strategy. if it’s a real relationship you want, you’re much better off trying match or eharmony. i’ve never used online dating myself, but from what others have told me, okcupid is the place you go for a hook up or if you have an iq below 40 and are trying to marry someone other than your cousin. as a med school betch, you should be setting your sites much higher.

    Posted on Reply
    • a says:

      totally agree about your second girl comment…okcupid is sooo trashy and what my barely-high-school-educated-craigslist-roommate (don’t ask) uses to meet hot guys and hook up with on weekends (since she didn’t have the amazing opportunities any semblance of undergrad partying would have offered, i don’t condemn her for it).  you, on the other hand, probably should have better standards.  i used match during a brief time when i thought to myself i didn’t want to keep meeting guys at bars, and you can set up filters - mine were: no one under 6’1, without a college education, or making less than $75k/yr could email me (the money thing sounds horrible but i’m not trying to be the breadwinner here!).  literally, those emails are never seen when they’re sent, and the guys don’t even know they’re being filtered.  anyway…online dating is only weird if you make it that way, betch!

      Posted on Reply
  3. cheers betch says:

    I totally disagree with the head pro and the betch above me about the first post.  What do you mean she’s not even married/engaged yet so she doesn’t need to worry?! Whether or not you want kids is one of the very basic things that needs to be discussed BEFORE you agree to marry someone.  Why would you commit to a marriage only to find out your significant other was serious about not wanting kids and thus making your decision about how important it is to you even more complicated.  You said yourself you’re not willing to stay with him if he doesn’t want kids and if you’re not going to change your mind than you have to respect his choice to do the same.  You need to have a serious discussion about what you both want for the future, sooner not later.

    Posted on Reply
  4. A says:

    I wish the first girl told us how old she is and how long she’s been seeing this guy. It’s a little weird for a guy who has his shit together to date someone who seems so young/immature…unless he’s immature, as well. Which would explain the not-wanting-kids thing. Which means he’ll probably change his mind in the future. Hopefully these two will grow as a couple and get this figured out later.

    RE: Okcupid, I’m a college senior in a city and was fucking tired of the hookup game/the guys at my school. I went on okcupid and had a few meh dates, but I ended up meeting and dating a wonderful, attractive, successful guy. My co-worker met a super hot banker on there as well. Just go for it! It’s not weird anymore - plenty of smart and attractive people in cities have profiles because they’re not meeting anyone through their social circles. There’s a ton of duds, as well, but it’s pretty fun for awhile.

    Posted on Reply
    • Childless Betch says:

      I’m 23 he is 28 and we’ve been official for 8 months (as in we’ve met eachothers families and etc) but have known each other for 5years. And no he is not immature and neither am I.

      Posted on Reply
    • Really? says:

      How is not wanting kids a sign of immaturity? Fucking teen-moms. Gross.

      Posted on Reply
  5. anon says:

    Childless Betch,
    You said that you don’t want kids right now either so clearly he’s still the perfect boyfriend for right now.  There is no need to break up with someone perfect for your current self because you are nervous he won’t be perfect for your future self.  Who even knows if you will still want kids in 2 years? The future is unpredictable so just keep dating him as long as he’s good for you.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Realistic Betch says:

    When you’ve been together ~3 years and actually have more of a legitimate serious relationship, then you can start worrying about the baby issues. 8 months is still a very new relationship.

    My dad said he never wanted kids… and he got me (and spoils me rotten). However, my parents were also in their late 30s.

    Your guy might have his shit together professionally and financially, but he’s still a 28 year old guy… so he’s going to think like a 28 year old guy, who does not want to be pressured into anything. Additionally, you’re 23… so you should probably be thinking more about getting your shit together financially and professionally (graduate school? high paying power betchy job?) and not about settling down just yet.

    Posted on Reply
  7. gradschoolblows says:

    @okay, was “setting your sites much higher” a pun? if so, i enjoyed it. if not, the approp word is sights.

    Posted on Reply
  8. Also Realistic Betch says:

    @Childless Betch… similar situation in that I’m 23 and my boyfriend is turning 30 in a couple of weeks. We’ve been together for about a year, and are very serious. We’ve discussed kids and he definitely wants to be a dad.  His friends are starting to have kids, his boss just had his 3rd, and I think it’s starting to get to him.  He was 28 when we started dating, and I’ve known him for a couple of years as well, and kids always seemed to be in his game plan.  I think that there is a difference between “I don’t want kids” and “I don’t want kids right now”. I think being together for *almost* a year could warrant that discussion.  I am 23, and don’t want kids right now, but I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who NEVER wants kids.  If you’re okay with dating and getting married only to find out five or even ten years from now that he wasn’t f**king around about not having kids, how will you feel then? He will just say “I told you so” and “you can’t be mad, I was honest from the beginning”.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Stop says:

    Yes people change their minds, and yes guys say things they don’t mean all the fucking time. Do you want to have a baby today? Probably not. In the future? Yes. So settle down and stop stressing about something that is a non-issue. It’s not like you’ve been discussing children for a year and you can’t agree on the subject. He just said something arbitrary and if he has a car and a house I guarantee you he’s not trying to be a bachelor for eternity. And even if it takes a long time for him to come around, sounds like you’ll have some awesome years together having FUN without the stress of little betches.

    Posted on Reply
  10. ummok says:

    all of you betches with ur old men need to chill the fuck out….ur 23 why the fuck are you so hung up the having babies conversation?? if you dont have a ring on it I don’t understand why you are freaking out about children whatsoever, ur being delusional, hes your boyfriend not ur husband and children out of wedlock is soo unbetchy so take a fucking xanax and get it together. i dont care how serious u are id be creeped out if my gf kept going on and on about wanting to have kids…especially if shes only 23 and isnt even my fiance…just saying

    Posted on Reply
    • dude says:

      chill the fuck out.

      Posted on Reply
    • On Xanax and Disagreeing says:

      You are the one who seems like they need to “chill the fuck out”...I can share my Xanax if you would like…
      1) Know if your partner wants kids BEFORE you commit ie engagement or marriage.  This is about whether or not you want to be responsible for another human life for 18 years at minimum, not how they feel about TIVOing American Idol (but the answer to that should always be “I don’t feel good about it”) The answer MAY be a deal breaker, and you don’t want to get stuck. 2) Just because a young lady asks her long term boyfriend, “Hey, how do you feel about having children?” does not mean she wants to have children out of wedlock.  It just means she would like to know how they feel about having children.  My God when a woman asks that do men hear “Please fertilize all of my eggs right now”?

      Posted on Reply
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