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By The Betches on

Even if you don’t like Sex and the City, it’s a fact that any true betch has seen every single episode at least fifteen times since the series finale in 2004. After all, it’s on E! for five fucking hours a day.

Every girl went through that phase in high school when Sex and the City was her faaaaaavorite show. She was convinced that she was Carrie and thought that every single one of her stupid excessive puns was like, the funniest thing ever.

Side Note: Not everyone can fucking be Carrie. Nor should you ever want to be. She spent all of her money on shoes and bags and she still looked ridiculous 95 percent of the time.


Carrie and BigSorry but low cut shirts did not distract us from the fact that Natasha was hotter.


Sex and the City is betchy for like, very obvious reasons. It’s all about sex and clothes and glamorous shit in New York City. Carrie is an extreme betch. She’s painfully narcissistic, really skinny, and hates nice guys. Look at Aidan, such a fucking nice guy. He let her take advantage of him twice! Also, she and the other three always meet at this one restaurant, and never really eat anything. Fucking duh. She’s almost a perfect representation of a betch, with one big flaw. She pretends like she wants to be all single and fabulous while in reality she’s waiting around for Big to stop being a douchebag and wife her up already.

Also we never actually see her working. All you see is her sitting in her living room smoking a cigarette typing retarded thoughts into her computer. And then I got to thinking, are MEN like SHOES?

So the truth is that we like the idea of Sex and the City. Really though? Fuck it, it’s the worst show. Not really true to life at all. It probably helped misguide the entire generation of women born between 1968 and 1983, its original target market when it premiered.

If we found out we were going to be 35, single, and childless, we’d probably kill ourselves right now, no matter how “fabulous” our #52 gay besties told us we were.

Let’s talk about the movies, or the pathetic studio sell-out fluffed up sideshow acts that were Sex and the City one and two. In addition to what we’ve already talked about, like how we think that the real Big would not so much as have his assistant email Carrie a love letter every single day, let alone do it himself; we were left bewildered by the cinematic prostitution we had just witnessed.


MirandaMore like Pros and the City


And why do they wear those ridiculous fucking outfits to sit in each others’ hotel rooms and wallow in self-pity? Why did they go to Abu Dhabi? Why do all three of Miranda’s closest friends fail to tell her that she consistently dresses like a man and has a lesbian coif? Come on. They can talk about anal sex but not the fact that Miranda is one cosmo away from suggesting a four-way?

But as much as we’re hating on Sex and the City, we really do see it as one of the best displays of betchiness to come out of the ‘90s. Sex and the City reassured us that it was okay to be kind of a whore and it was totally acceptable to only want to talk about clothes, sex, and celebrities all the fucking time.

And always remember that Sex and the City has taught us some really valuable life lessons. We’ll never forget that it’s still possible to get impregnated from a one-balled bartender, that two gay arch nemeses will inevitably wind up together, and that if you don’t put out until marriage, you run the risk of being left with nothing but a wedding ring, a Park Avenue apartment, and a flaccid #62 Pro penis.



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14 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    Let’s be honest…they are all one dimensional parodies of real people. If any of your betches are truly a Carrie, Charlotte, or Samantha chances are she is also the #7BSCB. A good betch should be a little bit of everyone. Except maybe Miranda. Sick.

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  2. The Betches says:

    I would never want to be Carrie. Except I would like her shoe collection.. More like Samantha.

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  3. The Betches says:

    Samantha is by far the betchiest (and best) part of the show…probably the only reason I watch.

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  4. The Betches says:

    Sorry to say, but Sex and the City is a terrible, terrible show.

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  5. The Betches says:

    Omg you have got to loveee sex &the; city! Lets be real, all four of them are totally such betches.

    Samantha is the betchiest obvs bc she somehow always ends up at high end parties &gets; with only the best dick. Even when she was bald she was still fucking a movie star! (Smith Jared?! hawt.) She can make bros pay for her shit and still somehow live in the upper east side without us ever seeing her work a day in her life! Thats betchy. Carrie’s like the stoner betch except with cigs but is still super chill. She also takes the cake for betchiest sense of style because it says, “I don’t give a fuck if I’m wearing the ugliest outfit in Manhattan, my face is on a bus bitch!” Lets not forget her shoe collection is to die for and she dates older men. Charlotte is a true betch because she gets to be worldly by pretending to like art, is married to a Jew ($ hello) and adopted an adorable little asian girl (eco-friendly!). Yet still gets to party with her 3 besties whenevs the fuck she wants. And even though in the past she’s cried in public over bros (gross!), its safe to say she’s the only one with a truly sucessful and happy life. Last and least, Miranda…believe it or not…is totes a betch. She’s been telling people what to do since she came out of the womb and miraculously can still get bros to fuck her despite the fact that shes pasty, has red hair, and chronic lipstick stains on her teeth. She gets paid to talk shit to criminals and that Steve guy is clearly her bitch. Plus, she’s totally obsessed with her blackberry (what a betch!). And even though you would probably laugh in Miranda’s face if she tried to start a bar brawl with you, there’s still a part of you that wants to be friends with her and wants her on your side. Most likely because you like to be reminded of how girly you are &how; much you love bros. Either way, betches def love sex&the; city

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  6. The Betches says:

    i can honestly say this is top notch shit written here. who are you?!!!!!!!

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  7. The Betches says:

    just a totally betchy fan

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  8. The Betches says:

    If you think you’re Carrie, want to be like Carrie or even want to fuck Carrie, you should seriously consider jamming a Manolo Blahnik into your forehead. These characters are all just tired, self-indulgent cliches. You betches, however, are tops.

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  9. The Betches says:

    Sex and the City is an amazing series. Diversity in designer wear, fashion hit its peak and has gone above and beyond since! The dialogue spoke what most betches think, but never say. All of us betches have one or more things in common with each character. No betch will ever be a “Carrie”, “Charlotte”, “Samantha” or heaven forbid; a judgemental ‘Miranda”! Perfect, in every single way. With the dislike reviews of the show, it obviously has your betches talking about it. Its all about perspective. Perfect, in every single way!

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  10. problems says:

    having the betchiest problem ever right now.. pause sex and the city or go purge that chicken noodle soup?

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  11. Anonymous says:

    who honestly wants to hear about that? keep your mental problems private.

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  12. Dying says:

    I’m actually cracking up at the few sentences about Miranda. Hahahaha fucking love it, Betches.

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  13. Betches are gross says:

    If there is any justice in the world, you Betches WILL end up 35, single and childless. Who would marry someone as nasty as you? No one.

    P.S. - Your gay besties are lying to you. You’re not fabulous.

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