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By The Betches on

Hilary Doof’s 2 week old baby is actually really fucking cute. He kind of looks like Hilary. In other news, we had no idea Hilary even gave birth. Must’ve been blacked out that day. Read article

Girls just as likely to drive like fucking idiots as guys are. No wonder, betchiness is taking over. Read article

 

hilary duff baby

 

Bad news for fatties, the price of Vanilla ice cream is about to skyrocket. Time to switch to chocolate to go along with your Saturday night's eating pints of Ben and Jerry's and crying yourself to sleep. Read article

It's time to start throwing yourself in front of moving cabs, because there's a chance Ryan Gosling will touch you. Read article

Ashton Kutcher will portray Steve Jobs in some indie film no one will probably see. Whatevs, we hope it includes a preview of the iPhone 5 followed by the notion that Steve was just punking us. Read article

This woman writes about how hard it is to be pretty. I mean, she can't even smile, she's totally not pretty enough that other women hate her for being pretty. But anyway her name is Samantha and she has sex with everybody..who wants to have sex with her...which is everybody…which is probably why everyone hates her. Read article

 

Samantha BrickSooo hot, want to touch the hiney

 

Attention Abroad Fatties, lose weight or charter your dad’s private jet. Our least favorite airline, RyanAir has decided to cut costs by encouraging their cabin crew to lose weight, cutting down on ice, and promoting a tax on fat passengers. We’re all for having fat passengers on the plane as long as we don’t have to sit next to them. I mean, it’s Ryanair the plane has like a 50% chance of crashing anyway and we’re going to need some flotation devices. But really, RyanAir, what’s next? Killing your poorest passnegers and then throwing them off the plane mid-flight to save fuel costs? I mean, okay fine. Read article

Mike Ryan of the Huffington Post loves #147 Titanic and he doesn’t care who knows it! This nice guy has no shame to admit to the American public that he cries EVERY SINGLE TIME HE WATCHES TITANIC. Somehow this guy is also straight. Mike says, “The second time I saw Titanic, I was too embarrassed to tell my then-girlfriend that I was crying during a scene that I had already seen knew was coming. I lied. I pretended that this had been the first time I had seen Titanic. On my three subsequent viewings after that, I did the exact same thing and, each time, used my new, 'Wow, I sure didn't see such an emotional scene coming,' excuse.” If this were our boyfriend, we’d leave him faster than a premature ejaculator. Mike Ryan, it’s time to grow some balls. Read article

Leave Mary Jane alone!! Lawmakers from both sides of the political spectrum band together to keep the feds off our medical marijuana. TG Obama appreciates a good high. Read article

Google’s fugly new computer glasses ensure that it’s virtually impossible to give a shit about anything other than the internet. Note to bros: no one is going to want to fuck you while you’re wearing your specks that allow you to simultaneously check ESPN.com. Read article

 

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23 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    forget medical marijuana. i want whatever samantha brick is smoking

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    Did you proofread this?

    Posted on Reply
  3. omg.... says:

    Samantha is NOT attractive.. is she delusional?

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    wait, Samantha Brick IS a brick. she is so fucking ugly

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    is this Samantha bitch for real? Is it a spoof? So confused

    Posted on Reply
  6. Lilly betch says:

    After reading the article she wrote, I was just about to post the same thing here: she is most def CLEARLY delusional.  Each pic of her just gets worse and worse!  She’s not even that skinny; she looks kind of dumpy to me.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    This woman is not only busted but lying out of her teeth! there is no way she is “not flirty” .  seriously though…someone needs to find out if this article is a joke!

    Posted on Reply
  8. Anonymous says:

    Samantha really isn’t that pretty…

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    OK, I get that women in the UK aren’t as pretty as us betches across the pond but is this for real? If this betch is the best the UK has to offer then we have a serious problem. Gross.

    Posted on Reply
  10. Baffeled Betch says:

    This woman is not particularly attractive by American, let alone LA or NYC standards. While there are most definitely attractive British women, I don’t think the standards are quite as high across the pond. I’m a little tempted to move to London now. I’m fairly certian that if this woman is telling the truth about the attention she receives based on her looks, considering the superiority of my own apperance to hers…I actually have a legit shot with Prince Harry.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    like wtf that samantha girl isn’t even pretty.

    Posted on Reply
  12. k says:

    hahaha perff.

    Posted on Reply
  13. k says:

    hahaha perff.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    Where is she going that she is the most attractive girl in the room?? I’d like to make sure to avoid that fug fuck fest

    Posted on Reply
  15. ya says:

    sam is proof that blondes can get extra credit just because they are blonde. not that if youre bonde you aren’t pretty, MANY ARE. but if she was brunette, she would be even worse looking.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Jlee says:

    LMAO at this comment!!!

    Posted on Reply
  17. Jlee says:

    Seriously LMAO at Samantha’s adult Regina George attitude. Ummm…totes get over yourself lady. You’re wayyyy too old and ugly for that attitude!

    http://jleesblog.com

    Posted on Reply
  18. Latex says:

    Love the design of your Site! grin

    Posted on Reply
  19. HardyLatte says:

    what a great post, just signed up to your RSS feed and hope to read more of your posts in the future. keep it up!

    Posted on Reply
  20. MisterTwister says:

    Very well articulated article respect!!

    Posted on Reply
  21. SchufaDdood says:

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    Thanks ..

    Posted on Reply
  22. Hottie24 says:

    only want to say wonderfull article

    Posted on Reply
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