As Decembetch comes to an end betches everywhere begin to reflect on the year that's just passed. Who got a boyfriend this year? How much more fun was Spring Break this year than last? How weird was it when that girl from high school's porno went viral? While nice girls sit at home and order textbooks for next semester while planning their next family trip to Disney Land, betches prepare to end the year with a big blackout bang, on New Year's Eve.
Betches love NYE because it's like the world's biggest party. Some people say this night is usually a let down. We say they were just too sober.
This is a night to dress up like you're on the fucking Titanic and party hard with all of your friends. The reason this night is different than others is that people drink more champagne than usual and balls drop. Just like any episode of Teen Mom 2.
However there's always a downside. Like with Halloween, you can't avoid the freak shows that come out. For some reason December 31 rings some alarm for all nice girls to come out from behind their desks, drink a glass of Perrier-Jouet and cry because they didn't get a new year's kiss. Honestly, we blame Cinderella. Who goes out on New Year's looking for true love when what you really should be looking for is how to get more drunk? Anyway, as a betch the party you'll be attending will be so expensive that you won't have to see any of those poor nice people anyway.
What New Year's should represent is the circle of life, starting the new year in the same fashion in which you were born, not remembering anything. If it's true the way you celebrate New Year's Eve determines how you spend the rest of the year, then betches have no fear. Being blackout and well dressed is a perfect recipe for a great 2012.
A true betch plans her NYE night in advance as to make sure she has the most original and hottest dress and is celebrating at a place where girls who think it's acceptable to wear skirts up to their knees can't and won't get in.
How do we get on this?Let's talk about resolutions and why they're fucking stupid. Here's the thing, people who suck should change, and those who have their lives in control shouldn't. Like fine, some of us may want to make a resolution to drink less this year because your habits are starting to impede your short term memory, but that can't be a NYE resolution if you tell yourself this all year round, fucking duh. When people try and draft New Year's resolutions, they're really making pledges to on how to be more like us, i.e. "Lose weight" "Be rich" "Care less." So like, resolutions out, celebrating being amazing in.
So betches, if you were good this year at not having sex with bros, give yourself this one night and do whatever the fuck you want, hook up, get drunk, and make fun of your bestie who chose to stay in to spend a "quiet night" with her boyfriends' parents.
And to all the younger betches, tell your parents that New Year's Eve is one of the safest nights for a betch to blackout because if lost, she'll always leave a trail of sequins that fell from her dress behind her.
No shout outs to our BFF Molly? Love partying with that betch on NYE!
Posted on — ReplyNYE is also my bday. Talk about best night ever. Every party is for me, fucking duh!
Posted on — ReplyBetches this post is perfect…like me. The best way to spend New Years Eve is to continue doing what you have been doing all year (aka. getting blacked and dressing AMAZE)
Posted on — ReplyNYE ...a time when anyone who calls this site their “bible”, types out “fucking duh” while leaving a comment, or talks about themselves as a..hot betch ..obvi, needs to reevaluate themselves.
Posted on — Replywhoever writes this shit has to laugh hard at the ridiculous comments on these posts. So props betches, you have created an army of skanks, who we will likely see on season 30 of the real housewives of some “betchy” city.
Fucking duh you’ll see us on housewives. You can go shave your back now.
Posted on — Replyits ok. we can’t all be fucking gorgeous
Posted on — Replyyou’re that bitch that doesn’t get into any of the clubs on NYE….your resolution should be to talk less and work out more, FUCKING DUH
Posted on — Replyits my bday too! NYE is totes the best birthday to have, fucking duh!
Posted on — Replygetchyoself some prozac hun’
Posted on — Replygod if only we could all be so lucky.
Posted on — Replyif you don’t like this site then why the fck are you wasting your time complaing with your annoying ass comments. get a sense of humor or find somewhere else to be a debby downer. UGH.
Posted on — ReplyEw, you must be a fatty and totes jealous that the betches are hotter than you. Go play scrabble and eat tapioca with your grandma in the nursing home on NYE, loser. We’ll be blackout, fucking your boyfriend. Sorry bout it!
Posted on — Reply“you can go shave your back now.” hahahah classic. laughed out loud on that one, props.
Posted on — ReplyI will certainly be partying partying with that betch on NYE while listening to lots of 58 House Music.
Posted on — ReplyThis post was disappointing, Betches. Whomever you have writing your posts these days needs to take a trip to Barneys and have a few edibles to reevaluate their betchiness. Get it together. I’m getting bored.
Posted on — ReplyAll this post told me is that NYE is celebrated by betches. No shit. Where are all the classic betchy one-liners and hilarious comparisons? I agree that these posts are going downhill….. quality over quantity, betches. it’s just like screwing bros.
Posted on — ReplyAgreed.
Posted on — ReplyReal vetches don’t fuck your betches boyfriend. And if you do, step down betch!
Posted on — Replymy birthday too mothafuckasss happy birthday to us!! take some shots/say hello to that betch Molly for me
Posted on — Replycouldn’t have said it better myself
Posted on — ReplyThis was a good one. Get an ap for iPhone cause this site sucks tot read on one. Need app!
Posted on — ReplyClubs are for fucking white trash. Enjoy being an upper-middle class guido piece of shit.
Posted on — ReplyAgreed!
Posted on — Replyeveryone and their fucking mothers know about betches love this. too mainstream now. deuces.
Posted on — ReplyI can almost guarantee that the “betch” writing this is the biggest DUFF ever.
Posted on — Replyu skanks talk a big game until half of you are puking over the railing after 2 glasses of wine. bro or die
Posted on — ReplyI don’t think white trash can afford a $25,000 table at the club. Nice try though.
Posted on — ReplyThis year NYE was my 21st birthday. Fucking yes. I was the best dressed and most blackout betch on earth
Posted on — ReplySee: Every spray-tanned whore residing in the Norheast.
Flashing money = New Money
Posted on — ReplyDouble fisting (and no not fist pumping) and like chilling on a gurny in the fbleau security office is totally acceptable on NYE. Espesh when you wake up the next day and realize you’ve gotten free fbleau accessories. Beat that suckas.
Totally over the Miami NYE scene, the tickets are the price of the loub shoes you’d rather be wearing and like everyone you’ve already been mucho slutastic with is there and a real cunt would never recycle. Unless you’re dating the poor promoter and receive a bazill NYE invites on fcbk from B&M, NYE in MIA is so soph year betches.
Yes, NYE is overrated and if you’re disagreeing you’re pathetic and are obv a fat girl who waits all year until NYE so you can find a comatose douche to incoherently MO with you at midnight. In which case, You suck.
So it’s time to venture to another city for NYE where you can get slipped a roof, or pretend and MO with some douche who works for a hedge fund. Because to be honest every male in NYC works for a hedgfund. And if you don’t, well its time to start. Otherwise you can’t sound like every other douche and say “Hi I’m blah blah, I work for a hedgefund.” Try it, its fun.
And betches enjoy getting banged out on NYE by your college douches because once they hit the real world they think 69 means they’re on top shoving their 5 incher down your mouth while head diving into your vag. Just because you’re a lawyer does not mean you can face bang me, everyone wants to be a lawyer. You have to be a doc if you expect to be on top during 69 without me calling you out.
Another reason to celebrate in NYC, everyone who lives in Miami only lives there because they can’t afford the City. Sucks to sucks. But it’s time to travel to NYC where the cunts move because being cunty anywhere else is frowned upon. VOM, who frowns upon being a see you next Tuesday? Not me.
As a cunt, you’re now stuck with doing some actual work and figuring out where the best place in NYC would be to ensure you get roofd so you can blame fucking that hedge fund douche on something. Where or where shall you embarrass yourself? Well fuck you’re basically cooler than anyone that isn’t in your sosh circle so like just throw an apartment party and get super fucked up on the remainder of that molly girl you purchased for Afro.
Posted on — Reply^Used to being double fisted
Posted on — Reply