BETCHES LOVE THIS

Last night's episode of Mad Men saw all of our dreams come true. Roger Sterling, America's favorite 60+ blackout betch tripped on LSD. We couldn't have asked for a more ideal hour of television. Well actually, we would've loved if Allison Dubois was at that dinner party. Hey Rog, it's a girls' night, we're not supposed to be good. We're supposed to be really, really bad... in a controlled setting.

We were pretty disappointed that Sally, Big Joany, and even bigger Betty didn't show their face/double chin even once. All we got to see was Don running laps around a diner sweating profusely while Peggy got high and gave a hand j. It's like, you just smoked, stop doing work. Also what is this Howard Johnson's, the '60s answer to Red Lobster?

I'M FROM CANADA WAHHHH

Peggster, the little hand slut that she is, was trying desperately to be more like Don. Being mean to her emotionally weak boyfriend, smoking, taking mid day naps, and balling out Heinz for not liking her pitch. In the end though, the figment of power she gained by stroking some bro's peen in a movie theater, was completely diminished when her high subsided and she realized she has a vagina. Give it a few years Peg, your time will come. While you're waiting, have some fun with SCDP's sexiest bar mitzvah boy Michael Ginsberg.

Now about our boy Roger. Last night alcohol sang, cigarettes honked, and marriages ended. Fuck Alice, the book should have been called Go Ask Roger. Clearly Matthew Weiner wanted to plug in a few of his own leftover musings from a previous drug trip, like "how can a few numbers contain all of time?" Either way it was done really fucking well. Like Peggy, Roger also wanted to be more like Don, you know, as a brunette. We're casually so excited he ended it with Jane and now he can pursue Joan. I mean, they only have a fucking kid together.

After watching Don's little segment it was clear that Mad Men's inspiration is Bridesmaids. Don actually tells Megan to take a little lap nap! Cut to him driving away...you are no longer my number 3!! This actually happens to make sense, she's his third wife, but has Kwigg been demoted? Now we have this gap-toothed bitch, whose fault that she is so gap toothed is undoubtedly her own. Anyway, first Don gets mad that Megan talks shit about him to her mom in French, only my Asian pedicurist gets away with that! Then they have a blowout fight over Megan refusing to eat ice cream...because you know who eats ice cream? Betty Draper.

But the more pressing question is, how do Megan's teeth handle such large helpings of orange sherbet? So much surface area, so much brain freeze. Anyway, after losing both his wife and a game of Tag, Don surrendered to The Mouth. Moral of the story: they need to get some cell phones. The end.

Without question after an episode like last night's we just know that next week will be full of action. Roger and Joan will fuck. Dawn will reveal that she has a daughter, it's Tara from True Blood. Peggy will get tested for hand-chlamydia. We can't fucking wait.

Last week's recap>>