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By The Betches on

1. If you're not in the Greek system you are:

A) just like everyone else. No one wears those stupid Greek letters. This is #63 America. B) assumed to be a complete fucking loser. Go Greek or go the fuck away geed... To like, NYU or something C) a normal person. No one judges you either way.

2. My school is located: (circle all that apply)

A) in a city B) in the middle of bumblefuck C) in Europe D) in a coastal state, or in Chicago E) in a landlocked state F) in Canada G) in the South

3. My school is:

A) in the Ivy League B) Duke, UCLA, USC, Emory, Stanford, UMiami, Tulane, BU, GW, those types C) the main campus of Indiana, Wisconsin, Michigan, Arizona, Ohio State, Penn State D) a small liberal arts school in a coastal state, or NYU E) a small liberal arts school in a landlocked state F) in a big sports conference. Do I know which one? No fucking way. G) MIT, CalTech, University of Chicago those types H) other

someecard

4. On Saturdays during the day we typically:

A) tailgate B) go to the library C) day drink unrelated to sports D) volunteer at hospitals and shelters, or attend plays or political campus rallies or other weird events you should be embarrassed to attend E) sit around recovering from hangover, filling day with nothing in particular, lots of free time to #77 shop and drink #54 iced coffee

5. My tuition costs:

A) over $40,000 a year B) under $40,000 a year C) it's free. I'm in the army!

6. Which of the following best describes the legacy situation at your school?

A) What's a legacy? B) A few of my friends have parents who went here. Does that count? C) My bestie got a 500 on her verbal SATs. Shes at Penn now! What a smartie! D) Idk, what does it mean when they put your last name on a building? E) Um...I'm pretty sure my dad owns you.

7. I have been inside a library

A) never B) once C) 1-2 times each semester D) more than the above

8. Most bros I know will later evolve into #62 Pros who work:

A) at a bank or a consulting firm B) as a lawyer or doctor when they finally get that stupid fucking degree. Good thing his parents are rich or idk how he'd afford a ring AND med school! C) as a farmer, writer, or union organizer or some other low paying shit possibly involving manual labor or creativity sitting around D) for the government or in public service E) in any profession that you could see Ari Gold doing F) their post grad plans include being barred out and smoking pot

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Scoring Key: 1) A=0; B=4; C=2. 2) A=5; B=1; C=5; D=3; E=1; F=1; G=4. 3) A=2, additional +1 if Penn or Cornell because you could be dumb, -1 if you go to brown; B=4; C=5; D=2; E=0; F=5; G=0; H=1. 4) A=5; B=0; C=4; D=0; E=3. 5) A=5; B=1 point per $10,000; C=0. 6) A=0; B=2; C=4; D=5; E=6. 7) A=5; B=4; C=3; D=0. 8 ) A)=5; B=4; C=1; D=1; E=5; F=0

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0-15 points - Nice Girl University: A grad of this school will have a nice job as a schoolteacher or a social worker. She'll have a #33 nice guy husband and a nice ring, the small size of which won't matter because that's not what's important. Beauty is on the inside! A place where there's Friday night poetry readings is a place where betchiness goes to die.

15-35 points - Wild Card University: You could be betchy in this school but you could also not be. (who would've thought?) You may be a betch but name dropping your school isn't helping your betchy image.

35+ points - School of Betch: A nice guy would last 2 seconds at your school. Your school is filled with so many douchebags and betches that you can't turn around without seeing a lax pinnie or a keg stand. The only 'political' protests that students rally for is the petition against the bar on College Ave closing down.

If you're gonna complain about your results we never claimed to be unbiased or know everyone at every fucking school, although we're sure they know us. Send your emails calling us out to iloveme.confessions@gmail.com and the funniest/best/betchiest submission(s) will be published.

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72 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    It is absolutely LAUGHABLE (not to mention insulting) that you would include UMiami, Tulane, BU, and GW along with Duke, Stanford, UCLA, etc. They are nothing but party schools where rich, stupid private schoolers go to get fucked up–oh and maybe a degree after 6 years. It seems like you were going for the “rich, smart kid” types of schools. The only way you could possibly think so highly of schools like UMiami, Tulane, and GW were if you actually went there. SO…

    The list should read: Duke, UCLA, Stanford, UVA, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UNC Chapel Hill, UC Berkeley, those types

    Posted on Reply
    • betch says:

      Agreed with the revision. We’re betchy as fuck at Chapel Hill.

      Posted on Reply
    • betch says:

      theres no way in HELL you can pick berkeley over USC in terms of betchiness. berkeley is, number one, a school full of hippie liberals and asians studying in the library, which an occasional betch here and there.

      USC on the other hand is not only smart kids, but RICH AS FUCK smart kids who party harder than every single betch at berkeley combined. literally if you’re not in the greek system you might as well go kill yourself,

      Posted on Reply
    • Duh says:

      I’m sorry what’s more betcha than a bunch if rich kids paying a ton of money to party and like maybe get a degree? Fucking duh

      Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    Don’t forget a certain school in St. Louis, Mo. Sorry, I’m not allowed to name drop. It can get pretty betchy depending on your sorority. Disagree about Tulane, plenty of betchiness there.

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    Also, my fiance went to Cal and the only betches were in top tier sororities, the majority of the campus on “asians in the library” types.

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    Stick up your ass much betch?

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    BU and GWU are the two betchiest schools on the east coast moron. um hello rich private schoolers that party are the best betches, and you are obviously poor and went to public school and that’s why you can’t relate. Btw…have you never seen Legally Blonde? Vanderbilt is full of fugly lame girls with bad teeth…and you call yourself a betch….

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    your literally an idiot

    Posted on Reply
  7. The Betches says:

    I feel so unbetchy leaving a comment but i have to say- Betches know their shit.
    Sincerely,
    betch who avoids mentioning her college at all costs

    Posted on Reply
  8. The Betches says:

    what about fashion school betches, the best kind

    Posted on Reply
  9. The Betches says:

    What about fashion schools? Full of betches.

    Posted on Reply
  10. The Betches says:

    Umiami as in Florida or Ohio?

    Posted on Reply
    • her betchiness says:

      florida

      ohio is MU, which is btw beyond betchy

      Posted on Reply
  11. The Betches says:

    what about CUNY and SUNY schools ??

    Posted on Reply
  12. The Betches says:

    It seems like very few people go to school just to get the damn diploma and don’t get sentimental about the partying or studying. Pay for it in cash or don’t go, and collect you 15-20% salary increases.

    Posted on Reply
  13. The Betches says:

    i love this site!!!!!!

    Posted on Reply
  14. The Betches says:

    NYU and schools in the city aren’t betchy while being in farm fields is? Please..

    Posted on Reply
  15. The Betches says:

    Having an entire town to yourself is betchy because you literally only encounter fellow betches and bros. going to school amidst minorities and poor people is not betchy. Not to mention scary… I know a girl who went to fashion school in NYC and some man was murdered with a hammer on her street. No.

    Posted on Reply
  16. The Betches says:

    If ur school was #1 party school and you convinced ur rents that it had an excellent science department… 15 points

    Posted on Reply
  17. The Betches says:

    Your not even American… You know nothing about American Colleges. Your only 19, from Canada with a high school degree! LAME

    Posted on Reply
  18. The Betches says:

    Not that I actually really care I’m just bored on the bus (I don’t want to hear it, I like to spend my money on clothes and vodka not cabs so talk shit if you’re so inclined, your college is obvi not in a city and therefor sucks) but about #1, I’m so over hearing about sororities as if they matter. The betchiest of betches don’t require being associated with a bunch of annoying girls in order to dominate the social hierarchy. It just fucking happens because they themselves are betches. It’s not even up for discussion anymore.

    #4 needs to be edited because unless you want to be some flabby nice girl, saturday mornings consist of burning off last nights vodka. Yoga, pilates, tennis whatever but unless you plan on accumulating a cellulite collection get your ass to the gym on saturday.

    And in regards to #8, the bros are completely irrelevant. No self respecting betch would ever even glance in the general direction of a BRO. Pros only. Please and thank you.

    Posted on Reply
  19. The Betches says:

    She haven’t even turned 18 yet and she haven’t even began college yet!
    She has no idea what she’s talking about…

    Posted on Reply
  20. The Betches says:

    Gillian, really? Learn how to write.
    ..and read

    Posted on Reply
  21. The Betches says:

    I LOL’d at the -1 for Brown… always the shots at Brown, but it’s why I love it. We have a special kind of betch here.

    Posted on Reply
  22. The Betches says:

    ASU is the betchhhiest school around and no one can argue that. we dgaf and have more fun

    Posted on Reply
  23. yikes. says:

    this was rough.
    get it together, Gillian.

    Posted on Reply
  24. Whatevs says:

    Whoa, this is way too much work..make it shorter and maybe I’d consider doing it..LOLZ jk obvs my school is betchy

    Posted on Reply
  25. betchymcbetch says:

    the university of arizona is so betchy we knew what category we’d fall into, and therefore, didn’t take the quiz. sorry about your lame collegiate experience, we’ll be tanning by the pool if you need us. kisses.

    Posted on Reply
  26. lulz says:

    Jealous much? Go fuck yourself with your glorified state school/ Ivy league/ I-don’t-give-a-fuck-where diploma.

    Posted on Reply
  27. Where's Georgetown? says:

    Your number three is totally, umm, wrong.  You can’t honestly group Stanford, BU, and USC into the same group as Tulane, UNC, and UMiami.  Stanford accepts like 20 percent of applicants, USC 30%, BU, about 35%.  Get your facts straight little lady; don’t google shit like “best schools.”  Just because there’s a D1 football team doesn’t really mean it’s a good school (which being a betch or not, being hot and SMART is the betchiest thing ever).  Considering NYU a small liberal arts school is kinda, umm, wrong too.  Kisses!

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    this fight is so betchy

    Posted on Reply
  29. you're a moron says:

    Tulane’s acceptance rate is 26% moron. And currently ranked higher than BU (which has a 58% acceptance rate).

    Posted on Reply
  30. you're a moron says:

    Tulane’s acceptance rate is 26%. Bu has an acceptance rate of 58% and is ranked lower than Tulane. I know, reading is probably hard for you.

    Posted on Reply
  31. who cares says:

    who gives a fuck that takes way too much work to get into that school and they don’t know how to party/drink like a betch anyway

    Posted on Reply
  32. GEORGETOWN says:

    Well then thank you guys for verifying my point on saying they are grouped wrong!  What are you even arguing with me for?  Okay, I bullshitted some stats, bite me.  My point was CLEARLY saying all those schools are grouped wrong.  Okay, then BU should not be grouped in there with Tulane based on what you guys are saying.  Reading and understanding what the words say must be hard for you.  You all sound stupid, especially using the word moron.

    Posted on Reply
  33. Anonymous says:

    BU vs. BC. who is betchier?

    Posted on Reply
  34. shutup says:

    obviously gw is one of the best private instituitons in the country so.

    Posted on Reply
  35. em bee says:

    BC betches at BU are fat and ugly.

    Posted on Reply
  36. betch up or betch out says:

    ummm I’m pretty sure that the whole “Duke, UCLA, USC, Emory, Stanford, UMiami, Tulane, BU, GW, those types” was referring to the general ambiance of campus life and not to the matriculation process/acceptance stats/who cares. If you look at the schools they’re referring to, they have gorgeous campuses, are in great cities, have amazing nightlife, or are big name schools in football etc.

    Oh and newsflash “BetchWithABrain”, I’m pretty sure that when it said “those types”, schools like Georgetown (which is like 20 ft from GW), Vanderbilt and UCitsallthesameifyoudidntgothere are what they’re referring to even though they are explicitly mentioned. Maybe you should focus more on being a BetchWithGoodSense.

    Posted on Reply
  37. the betchiest says:

    considering they’ve taught you how to spell so well

    Posted on Reply
  38. NYC Betch says:

    you are severely mistaken…everyone wants to be a NYC betch -  and even the betchiest at those schools in the middle of bumblefuck who party for 4 years in the same old and dirty frat houses cant wait for the mass exodus with their besties to mecca manhattan. NYU betches are either just that more fortunate or that more betchy they get at it first.

    Posted on Reply
  39. Anonymous says:

    ***you’re. So much for that college education.

    Posted on Reply
  40. SLUt says:

    You mean Saint Louis University right? Wash U is just uptight jews and asians. not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  41. wownicetry says:

    ugh idiot. she WAS a vanderbilt she didnt GO to vanderbilt…seriously? get it together. you’re welcome…

    Posted on Reply
  42. Betch Master says:

    UMiami is in Florida. The U! Miami Hurricanes! It should be renamed School of Betches because every girl who attends is literally obsessed with this site. Miami University is in Ohio. Get it right.

    Posted on Reply
  43. Betchhhh says:

    Chill the fuck out, everyone makes typos.

    Posted on Reply
  44. MiamiBetch says:

    You’re so ridiculously skewed I feel embarrassed for you. UMiami is now the #38 school in the nation, actually does produce reputable and important alumni that do something with their lives, and has a competitive and respectable academic curriculum…and not just rich private schoolers go there you dumb betch. Stop judging shit you don’t know about. It’s a really amazing school where not only are people smart and beautiful, but motivated and legit. And they party where your betch ass wishes she could, all year round. Sun and amazing clubs and the best of everything the jet set life could offer.

    Before you start hating, I grew up in Miami my whole life…my best friends went to UMiami, but I went to Georgetown and I absolutely love my HOYAS till the end. But I also know my hometown school and I’m proud.

    Just pisses me off when people hate on my home, more so on THE U. Check yourself.

    Posted on Reply
  45. Gia says:

    Is that why UMiami got ranked #38 this year? If you went to Duke, Stanford or UCLA, go ahead - keep your huge nose up in the air, you’ll be able to smell the rubber burning off the tires of my beamer better that way as i speed away from you down to the Gables. You can let me know if you need the number of my plastic surgeon to get it reduced in size. Just because we were able to #tan while studying doesn’t mean we’re not as smart as you. It actually makes UM the betchiest school bc we had it all. Don’t be jealous #ugly.

    Posted on Reply
  46. Betch please says:

    Where does Vanderbiltfit in on the school groupings? I’d say it’s the betchiest of the top 20… Ranked #1 Greek life in the country this year, a top party school according to playboy, and ranked A+ for girls. Some of the geeks aren’t betchy but hey they make our diplomas worth more. True smart betches that love partying/having the time of their lives go to Vandy.


    And to whoever said Vanderbilt girls are fugly: you need a reality check. You’ll never see anywhere near the number of pretty betches at any top 50 school then youd see in an hour at Vandy.

    Posted on Reply
  47. Betch says:

    If you’re not in the Ivy League it’s because you are dumb and your parents are too poor to pay your way in.  (And if you go to Cornell or Brown, you might as well not be in the Ivy League.)

    Posted on Reply
  48. Wutta Betch says:

    University of Texas? Me too. Love it.

    Posted on Reply
  49. ivy betch says:

    hahahahahahahahhahahaha
    umiami
    hahahahahahha
    what a joke

    Posted on Reply
  50. Anonymous says:

    would change that to cornell or penn. or just cornell.

    Posted on Reply
  51. liketotsobvs says:

    Tulane has a really high ranking law program… learn your shit, or don’t, in my bag of fucks, you get none.

    Posted on Reply
  52. Anonymous says:

    My theory on the betches: jappy girls from westchester/ long island/ jersey/ Washington suburbs/ DC suburbs… somewhere like that. Michigan KKGs.

    Posted on Reply
  53. Anonymous says:

    Hahah this quiz is such a joke, Villanova came up in the middle, ironic since our campus is notoriously like flipping through a #magazine, of really beautiful people.

    Posted on Reply
  54. b says:

    Obvs sororities are for losers who are nerv they won’t be able to make friends on their own without joining school clubs.  There’s no difference between living in a sorority and an orphanage. Sharing bedrooms and bathrooms with like a million other girls. You might as well be showering at the YMCA. Ew. Not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  55. big city betch says:

    Ew. Your friend is obvs poor and lived in the ghetto. It’s called get a condo with a doorman and security because a true betch knows she is valuable and deserves bodyguards. And whyy would anyone want to be surrounded only by college bros in farmville? City = ahhmazing nightlife and rich guys who already have amazing jobs or don’t even need college because hellloo trustfund. You’re obvs just jelly because people at state schools live like poor people and think drinking crappy beer in the same frat house every single week is exciting. They don’t even have decent shopping, they share each others clothes and always look the same. Not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  56. Sorority Belle says:

    Aww you were one of those girls who didn’t get in to a sorority aren’t you? Poor thing! Was it because you weren’t pretty enough? Or because you were too poor? Or because you don’t dress well? Or just because no one liked you?

    Girls don’t join sororities because they are nervous they won’t be able to make friends on their own. They join because they are looking for friends as equally cool and betchy as they are. And then to meet pros and rich bros and to blackout and just generally party through college. Then you can use your connections to get a job anyway. Who wouldn’t want that?

    And living in a sorority house is not like living in an orphanage. It’s living with the coolest betches you know and having a great fucking time all the time.

    And to address your final comment, sorority betches are cleaner than GDIs. It’s a fact. Our showers are clean just like us and there are probably more expensive body products there then you would ever find in a GDI dorm.

    So sorry you didn’t get chosen to be one of the lucky ones! I’m going to wear my pin on my wedding day and all my sorority betches will be with me too

    Posted on Reply
  57. Melissa says:

    Why the fuck would I want to work that hard? Or live that far north? Do people even get pedicures up there? University of Alabama is the shit.

    Posted on Reply
  58. hmmmmm says:

    Tulane is barely top 50…more like TTT the way the people there act…

    Posted on Reply
  59. Anonymous says:

    shut up you cunt, i go to miami and the girls here are all dumb bitches. also, its all private schoolers and very few are motivated. just being honest.

    Posted on Reply
  60. #1 says:

    CHICO wins hands down betches & it wasn’t even mentioned; when you can blackout every damn day= overall winners wink

    Posted on Reply
  61. Tulane Betch says:

    Tulane is only that low on the rankings list because of the drop out rate is so high because of some people can’t handle living in New Orleans.  Everyone comes to Mardi Gras and remarks on how sweet it is that bars stay open as long as they want, you can drink anywhere you damn well please, and all the bars serve under age.  Thats true all the time so only the betchiest can survive. Dropping the dropout rate from the equation would bring Tulane into the top 20 easily.

    Posted on Reply
  62. Ella says:

    gosh,it’s so true about UMiami.

    Posted on Reply
  63. Becca says:

    There’s Asians in the library at UC Berkeley? Sorry, no, I’ve never stepped foot in the library because I’m too busy drinking iced coffee and getting hammered at game day.

    Posted on Reply
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