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By The Betches on

A fundamental tenet of the Betch Life is obviously #36 not doing work. But let's talk about the hard worker's fat cousin: the person who tries too hard. We don't just mean the Asian FOBs who've spent more time studying in the library this past week than you did for your entire LSAT, we mean anyone who tries or appears to Try Too Hard (TTH) at anything they do.

Watching people try too hard is kind of like witnessing the trainwreck that will inevitably occur when Suri Cruise starts doing coke. It's uncomfortable to watch, but you're definitely fucking interested in watching it. You think I want to stop reading Jamie's incessant Four Square updates?! We haven't even gotten to last week's Equinox check-ins. Dream on betch.

hermoineWe know you don't really keep up with the news, bitch.

The most annoying thing about people who try too hard is the fact that they don't get that their blatant nauseating effort is a clear sign of their insecurity and desperation. Effort is for Barack Obama and Celebrity Fit Club participants.

 

So what are some examples that really set a betch off, making her feel like far too much work is being done by non-staff members in her presence? You could otherwise title this post "Our Pet Peeves." Here we go:

 

Regarding Facebook:

Because we all know that girl you thought was normal until you saw her Facebook...

 

- excessive solo bikini profile pictures, yes we get it. You used to be fat and now you're not. Put some clothes on, loser.

- excessive Facebook statuses

- any kind of model or glamour shots involved in your default pictures

- muploading food to pretend you eat

- muploading things/stationary objects that aren't humorous or entertaining but are rather meant to brag

- muploading while shopping, put that fucking Hermes bag away we DGAF.

- saying I love you or I miss you on your boyfriend's wall in addition to the inevitable countdown to when you'll see each other next. We get it, you want that bitch who thinks your boyfriend is hot to think you're SO in love, but if I wanted to throw up when I looked at my news feed, I'd look at your 'Habitat for Humanity 2011' album!

 

Social Media & Online Presence:

 

- excessive use of Four Square

- excessive commentary on blogs

- excessive bragging tweets, particularly about your job and/or praise that others give you. OMG I'm so excited that your coworker told you that you look like Angelina Jolie. Please tell everyone on Facebook and Twitter just in case there's someone out there who cares.

 

Possessions:

 

- owning a bright red car, particularly a convertible, with a vanity plate. You might as well wear a sign around your neck that says 'Please think I have money.'

- owning too much monogrammed shit

- brand name dropping, see Pam of RHOBH

the officeClassic Cornell TTH

Regarding Image and Appearance:

 

- excessive tanning in winter without going on vaca, or any obvious tanning without vacation

- too much daytime makeup

- wearing a lot of makeup to the gym or carrying too much makeup on you, like if you're carrying an eyelash curler to a bar, you have self esteem issues.

- running a marathon or advertising that you are

- excessive use of iPhoto editing for retouch purposes and not just trying to be artsy

- come to think of it, trying to be artsy

- wearing excessive sorority gear

 

For Guys:

 

- excessive bragging about partying habits, wealth, career, or other girls he's been with

- insisting he's not a douchebag regardless of the fact that you both know he has no soul

- bragging about skills in bed, if he has to say it it ain't so.

- the occasional bro whose dad owns a hedge fund but he "wants to work elsewhere to make a name for himself"...seriously, that's nauseating.

 

Regarding Work:

 

- doing any

 

In Life:

 

- reading self help books, taking anything seriously, not lying on your resume, voting

So betches, if you're trying too hard it means you're trying to overcompensate for the fact that you suck. Save the desperate attempts for love and attention for your therapy appointment and remember that if betches wanted to hang out with tools we'd fuck nice guys or be fans of Ryan Seacrest.

 

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74 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Nana says:

    YOu should see this ging I work with, he is the epitome of a tth. People would write about about him. He is my biggest pet peeve in my life. Fucking ugh.

    Posted on Reply
  2. M says:

    LOVE IT.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Sonia says:

    so perfect.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Mimi says:

    Can we also please talk about girls who bleach their hair blonde til it falls out? If you hair takes that much of a beating, just be a hot brunette. Or buy some conditioner, whatevs.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    or when people’s profile pictures are pictures they took of themselves (by themselves, I might add) on their mac. fucking BARF. like cool, just hanging out…. love this post

    Posted on Reply
  6. CL says:

    You have a job? Gross.

    Posted on Reply
  7. TAB says:

    Girls from suburbia who dream of becoming fashion designers, thinking they’re stylish because they wear the latest knockoff trend that made its way to their local Forever 21. EW.

    Posted on Reply
  8. EmJem says:

    Betches vote. Talking (much less bragging) about voting is TTH, but betches are subtly informed and don’t let anyone walk all over their shit. Betches are in control, and that means making sure to vote. Fat, lazy bitches don’t vote, but Betches don’t fuck around. Exhibit A: Part of keeping bros at bay is making sure that after you black out and accidentally fuck a bro, you have the resources to get an abortion. Bros love making girls get abortions, and there isn’t any single thing less betchy than getting fucking preggo. Guess what helps keep abortion legal? Fucking voting. Betches with an ounce of sense will keep their political agendas in check and therefore, their options open. OBVS this isn’t something you discuss whilst pregaming… but nonetheless, saying that betches don’t vote is just… well… bitchy.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    youre letting people off too easy considering no one actually does any of these things….what about tagging yourself in your own photos, friending everyone in your classes after knowing them for 5 seconds, being “in a relationship” with a specific person (non-joking), etc etc etc

    also using iphoto is TTH…since when?? i suppose theres a level of taking it too far but don’t tell me you put up pics with red eye and shit, this isn’t amateur hour

    Posted on Reply
  10. n/a says:

    just shutup.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    its great that the availability of an abortion is your only political concern….someone clearly has a hard time #not fucking bros

    Posted on Reply
  12. LoreMS3 says:

    This basically described my ex-bf (douche with a convertible) and 80% of the idiots I went to highschool with. *Barf*

    Posted on Reply
  13. Truebetch says:

    Not one of your best posts I may say. Guess you’re just TTH.  xoxo

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    THANK YOU! Couldn’t have been more spot on.Head betches, bravo.

    Posted on Reply
  15. britishbetch says:

    the tweet for this post in photo format:

    cracks me up EVERY TIME.

    Posted on Reply
  16. ab says:

    tots legit
    this happened to a friend of mine! Worse, she did it bc “her bf loves blonds”
    her devotion made me vom, more so bc her bf was a cheating douche

    Posted on Reply
  17. ab says:

    the mac self shot is still better than the one where you can see their outstretched arm trying to take the self portrait in the photo.
    One thing I never figured out is why they always do the same pose…

    Posted on Reply
  18. betchtastic says:

    brilliant. although when i first saw TTH i thought it was gonna mean ‘think they’re hot’
    same thing ugh

    Posted on Reply
  19. anon betch says:

    its like you read my mind fb TTHs make me not even want to log on anymore VOM.

    Posted on Reply
  20. Disappointed says:

    The fact that you would encourage people not to vote when soldiers died so you could have freedom of speech and can post stupid shit like this is horrendous.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    totally true. i def know a tth that whines to everyone about how ugly she thinks she is so she can get complements and then takes a photoshoot by herself and tags herself in all of them, is friends with probably every single person in our school and their mother, and is always “married” to some guy no one knows on fb. non betches like this need to realize that the planet would be a better place if they just fell off of it.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    haha nothing makes my day more than catching an obvious photoshop like this on someone’s facebook and then mass messaging it to all my betchy friends

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    (not that anyone on my facebook posts underwear pics, just referring to girls that try to slim down their fat arm or muffin top)

    Posted on Reply
  24. mandyhunny says:

    cornell TTH. always and forever.

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    ugh agree, being in a relationship on facebook is so not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    how about not trying hard enough? weak post…step it up bitches.

    Posted on Reply
  27. Anonymous says:

    If people decide not to vote because of this blog, they’re probably not the kind of person you want exercising political influence anyway.

    Posted on Reply
  28. OnThisSiteInClass says:

    Great post - But there needs to be a section about bitches who try too hard on this website: “omg guys [insert 15 line paragraph about subpar club or shopping experience here] isn’t that so [misuse of #randomnumber] yea im such a betch!!”

    Posted on Reply
  29. Anonymous says:

    There’s this girl in my class who literally curls her hair every F-ing day for class. There is a fine line between looking weekday-hot and looking like you’re getting ready to go to your high school prom on a tuesday morning. Don’t even get me started on her colored eyeshadow. Did i mention she’s fucking cross-eyed? Loser totally TTH.

    Posted on Reply
  30. can you be more obvious says:

    by taking this site seriously and actually incorporating this shit in your lives. or gchat/fb statuses. or worse, tumblr.

    Posted on Reply
  31. the real says:

    imposter…

    Posted on Reply
  32. DGAF says:

    thank you.

    Posted on Reply
  33. Sarah says:

    thank fucking god someone has a brain here. are you serious betches? not caring about what people do with power, money, business and politics…. you guys dont stand a chance with pros. voting is an expression of opinion on everyday life… something betches love to do.

    Posted on Reply
  34. kelly says:

    i’d say trying to hard is reading this blog and trying to be “betchier” like some people you have never met before!! kewlies

    Posted on Reply
  35. voteordie says:

    agreed. nobody wants these fucking idiots voting at the grassroots, let alone anything important

    Posted on Reply
  36. THANK YOU says:

    its amazing how many morons drone on in these comments

    Posted on Reply
  37. Anonymous says:

    This post is a classic example of trying too hard.

    Posted on Reply
  38. doozyfab says:

    Love this! It’s about time something about this topic was written. Everyone needs to learn the difference between betches and those who TTH. It’s essential to life!

    -DoozyFAB
    http://doozyfab.com/

    Posted on Reply
  39. D.M. says:

    When girls TTH to sound like a “betch” on these comments because they think someone gives a fuck.

    Posted on Reply
  40. minkbetch says:

    Ew even worse that the arm out self pic is the mirror reflection self pic, stop hanging out in the bathroom and find some friends to hang out with enough to be in pics with you/take pics with you in them. Gross.

    Posted on Reply
  41. Anonymous says:

    it keeps the rando desperate fb chats at bay. i hate them, there should def be a second level of request on fb for someone to chat you. plus, when you’re relationship’s on fb decent guys who would know to ask you on dates in real life already know you’re off the market- it get can get awkward turning them down, fb relationships really save you some trouble.

    Posted on Reply
  42. minkbetch says:

    Did u really just say “whilst pregameing” stop tth. Bye.

    Posted on Reply
  43. Anonymous says:

    you forgot about vegans.

    Posted on Reply
  44. Anonymous says:

    you’re trying way too hard to sound betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  45. Anonymous says:

    Agreed. Too many of them.

    Posted on Reply
  46. Anonymous says:

    why would I vote when everyone else will do it for me?

    Posted on Reply
  47. Lauren says:

    This is amazing. Especially people who try too hard in class and LOVE the sound of their own voice

    Posted on Reply
  48. UltimateBetch says:

    Everyone needs to stop whining about trying/not trying. You all tried to out-betch the head betches and even yourself, so stop trying to be so fucking witty and do something moderately productive with your time. The only fucking issue with this site is the lenience provided in giving too many self-righteous fake betches the opportunity to voice their sad opinions. (It’s time to start a diary(ew) because no one fucking cares). Try making your own (less than average) website and say anything you want. I’m so sick of reading less-than-betchy ways of life.
    Why are you biting the hand that types the feed?

    ...haters fall back.

    Love,
    UltimateBetch

    Posted on Reply
  49. memememe says:

    hahaha myspace reflection pics…#suckstobeugly

    Posted on Reply
  50. ej says:

    HHAHHA you said it betch

    Posted on Reply
  51. Anonymous says:

    lol favorite comment ever

    Posted on Reply
  52. Anonymous says:

    well basically all of you guys posting on here are the epitome of TTH… you are pretending to be “betchy” but you sound so ignorant, and who are you trying to impress….. a website?

    Posted on Reply
  53. Laughing Atchu says:

    The post is awesome but the comments always make me laugh at how fucking dumb and vapid people can be. Chill the eff out peeps.
    But go vote because you can’t complain about the government if you can’t take 20 mins out of you’re day to do it. Be more educated than those silly occupy brats.  Btw, you could get out work to vote too.

    Posted on Reply
  54. JLEE says:

    I’m really disappointed in this post. I know you guys won’t give a f*ck and that’s OK. I know Betches don’t work, but I don’t think a Betch is a dumb annoying girl who doesn’t do sh*t, i.e., doesn’t vote b/c they are “too cool” to care about the world, live off their daddys, etc. To me a betch is a smart, independent woman who does give a sh*t and who does TTH.

    I know this makes me totes unbetchy… :( Sorry!

    Posted on Reply
  55. Anonymous says:

    I’m pretty sure commenting on every post just to shamelessly promote your own website is the definition of TTH…

    Posted on Reply
  56. Anonymous says:

    This post is perfect, might be my favorite so far. Glad I’m not alone in my judgements.

    Posted on Reply
  57. ElleRay says:

    So true! #Winners vote.

    Posted on Reply
  58. Anonymous says:

    girls who complain “omg boys suck” & “the entire male race are so dumb (bc they dont want me)” etc. and then continue to slut around at bars and sickingly hang on to every with a penis. Also obsessive behavior after one hook up “he didnt text me” “what should i text back?!” Please shut the fuck up, no one cares. Men are idiots but your behavior is the sole reason why noone wants you…

    Posted on Reply
  59. Anonymous says:

    Agreed! Like seriously reading or writing a long ass comment is way too much work. These wannabe betches need to stop trying too hard.

    Posted on Reply
  60. Anonymous says:

    It’s difficult to read something as satire when it engages with and upholds the same racist, sexist, and fatist rhetoric that already inundates our culture.

    Posted on Reply
  61. Anonymous says:

    then don’t read this fucking website! just because people may have opinions that are not politically correct does not mean they are not entitled to them. the internet is a platform for all kinds of opinions and satire, especially, need not be sensitive. i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the betches are as self-deprecating as they are celebratory of the lifestyle/views this website promotes. this website is intended to make people laugh and if you’re not laughing, go read some other blog that does the trick for you. fuck the haters!

    Posted on Reply
  62. LTC says:

    EW, CL…just fucking ew.  Believe it or not, some of us would prefer to have an awesome job rather than standing on street corners, sucking dick and hoping to live off of some 40+ year old.

    Posted on Reply
  63. normal says:

    I stopped reading this site for the posts. I actually only read it now to laugh at the ridiculous comments. 99% of them are either A) completely insane, B) written by people under the age of 17 or C) posted by really fat wannabe girls with no friends. it’s just so entertaining.

    Posted on Reply
  64. mmmac says:

    true this

    Posted on Reply
  65. ironic says:

    i think its funny that everyone is commenting on a TTH post. Let me spell it out for you: STOP COMMENTING

    Posted on Reply
  66. Nicole says:

    So true, and what kind of betch’s name is Nana? Ew

    Posted on Reply
  67. ayoungbetch says:

    i actually almost teared up. when my bff and i talk shit, it always comes down to the fact that we fucking hate people who tth. when we were high, we decided that someday we wanted to write a book in which we rant about how trying too hard pisses us the fuck off. but you’ve done it for us, pretty much. we’re so glad that someone else shares in our pain as well as joy that we find in hating these people. thank you, betches.

    Posted on Reply
  68. Jam says:

    looks like you tried to hard by even writing this…why do you care what people choose to do? why are you even watching…sounds like you’re looking TOO hard..lmao.

    Posted on Reply
  69. This post is garbage says:

    Wasting a bunch of time writing a post about people trying to hard, is the definition of trying to hard. This was probably the most disgusting thing I have ever read in my life. Maybe if the author was an an moderately educated person, they would understand the rewards of effort and focus. Go read a book people!

    Posted on Reply
  70. Gogol says:

    If you’re so satisfied with yourself, then why are you hating and judging other people?

    Posted on Reply
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