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By The Betches on

Popular culture tells us that you’re allowed half the duration of the actual length of your relationship to get over it, but what they don't take into consideration is the entire ex-boyfriend life cycle.

This cycle is for people who haven't found a new boyfriend or are unhappy with the guy they're hooking up with. If you're fortunate enough to have fallen in either of these categories and were probably over it for a large part of your ex-relationship, skip to the last phase of the cycle. For the rest of you drama-seeking betches, here’s what to expect when you’re expecting too much.

We Still Fuck Sometimes But He’s Not My Boyfriend Phase:Why would you revert to an earlier stage of your relationship where you still have to play games? You broke up for a reason. It’s called a breakup because it’s fucking broken.

 

fatal attractionBreak-ups are hard.

 

You're a betch, be single. Why manipulate one guy when you can manipulate three? Fucking duh.

This stage consists of still hooking up while being anxiously on edge about what he’s doing and with whom. It’s just a mess. This never ends well. Best to exit as soon as possible.

Usually, unless you get back together, something happens to get you very angry at your ex, there’s a massive blowout fight, possibly involving a #92 love triangle, and you enter the next phase.

The Over It Not Over It Phase: You claim to be #82 over it, but all you fucking talk about is him and how much he sucks and the whores he’s fucking. For someone who’s supposed to hate someone, you’re checking for updates as frequently as one checks their Facebook or Twitter. Literally, by checking Facebook and Twitter.

OMG did Jon put me on limited profile?! Jenna, you MUST go on Facebook so we can go through and compare EXACTLY which tagged pics of Jon we both see?

You are so not over it that you are under the impression that this is something Jenna wants to do.

Even though you claim to be over it, all of your friends know that you have carefully calculated each and every move you make in order to make your ex jealous, angry, or upset. If you manage to accomplish all three, congrats, this the ultimate in #32 winning and greatest feeling of happiness in the #16 not over it phase.

However, you’re only allowed to be in the continuous bitching stage for a third of the duration of the your relationship. To the besties of the girls in this phase: fucking sucks if she's trying to get over a 3 year relationship, consider branching out.

Phase of Silence: Eventually it becomes socially unacceptable to still be talking about your ex, so even if you’re not fully out of the last phase you better fucking pretend like you are. It’s like counting the dead after a battle. Silent.

 

the break upIt's always a surprise when someone breaks up with Jen

 

The Actual Over It Phase: This is the rainbow after the hurricane. You actually don’t wish this person ill will. You don’t care. As we’ve said before, the person who cares the least has the most power and is by default winning, but you’re out of the game now.

At one point you might even give a smile and wave when you see him somewhere, possibly even a #88 stop and chat. This is the greatest symbol of the Actual Over It Phase.

Side Note: Claiming that your ex-boyfriend has now morphed into your guy friend is not allowed in this phase or like, ever. Like we’ve said before, #50 guy friends are bullshit. Unless you got fat.

 

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28 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. The Betches says:

    Every word #soeffintrue

    Posted on Reply
  2. The Betches says:

    this post is killer. so amazing and not a word of a lie

    Posted on Reply
  3. The Betches says:

    My ex boyfriend and I have sex every time were home for breaks. Theres no possibility of us getting together cause were both at different schools yet fuck like bunnies when were home its nice.

    Posted on Reply
  4. The Betches says:

    this article is fucking amazing.

    Posted on Reply
  5. The Betches says:

    Just broke up with my boyfriend of two years in July. We had the fucking phase but it didn’t end badly, I just started ignoring him. Whatevs, I was #over it. I skipped right over to the actual over it phase, with maybe one week of pretending to be over it. My life is fucking awesome now…. So many bros/pros, so little time

    Posted on Reply
  6. The Betches says:

    “You claim to be #82 over it, but all you fucking talk about is him”

    Singlebetch: Despite your claims, you are very clearly still in the Not Over It Phase and probably need to enter the Phase of Silence as soon as possible.

    Posted on Reply
  7. phaseofsilence says:

    But my ex has such a big dick! What’s a girl to do in a sea of small members?

    Posted on Reply
    • ugh says:

      I knowwwwww, same here :(

      Posted on Reply
  8. sabz says:

    im at the over it phaseeeee…yeeeee betchessss

    Posted on Reply
  9. lbc says:

    The bf moved and we broke up….we still talk all the time and still love each other.  We will not get back together anytime soon but I have NOOOO fucking clue what phase i’m in…have been through or am about to enter. I’m having FUN being single but still being held back…

    Posted on Reply
  10. Eva says:

    this post is #perfection

    Posted on Reply
  11. Stephen says:

    This post just clarifies that all women are 2 bit whores who are good for nothing these days…all you trick ass hoes who major in Psychology or Womens Studies…..take Home Economics 101 ..aka get in the fucking kitchen and LEARN your place, BITCH.

    Posted on Reply
  12. RE: Stepehn says:

    2 bit whores? Why did you even read the post?  Do you honestly fear women who major in Psychology and Women’s Studies? Pathetic. Get in the kitchen? Why don’t you take some courses, get off the internet and try saying this to a woman in person. If you already do, there’s no point in trying to talk some sense into you.

    Posted on Reply
  13. bitchhh4lifeeee says:

    my guy has a gf and still trys to fuckk and i fall for it everytime saying he loves me and shit any advice before i get myself into a whole heep of drama?

    Posted on Reply
  14. sara says:

    stop bitchin out and being a sexist douche. it just gives the impressions that you’re insecure because you (probably) cant get any girlfriends/chicks. or you are going through some of these stages as well… and possibly pms bud.
    so just shut the fuck up.

    Posted on Reply
  15. T says:

    You stop? duh.

    Posted on Reply
  16. MG says:

    My bff is in the over it so not over it stage,  I’m friends with her ex and she’s always asking me what’s up. He’s seeing someone and trying to hook up with just about anything.. They still talk and she will fureeak if she finds this out. Even tho shes facking a back burner bro. I’ve told her it’s not worth it and get over it but she isn’t listening, how do I knock some sense into her?

    Posted on Reply
  17. justin says:

    fucking your ex is like fucking an animal

    Posted on Reply
  18. KOEMAN says:

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    Posted on Reply
  19. Franny says:

    So fucking true, so true. I wish I could slap the shit out of myself for not getting into the “Actually Over It” phase earlier.

    Posted on Reply
  20. lcw says:

    perfect time to bring this back to life betches

    Posted on Reply
  21. DOLLY says:

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  22. elizabeth rosas says:

    After being in relationship with emma for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by reffering him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:drinegbedionspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM

     

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