Dear Betch,
My older brother is a pro who is dating the seriously wrong betch. He's too naive to see through her psycho two-faced personality. Not only is she a real "betch" but she's lame and brings him down. How do I betch her out without losing the respect of my brother? Thanks!
Protective Sister Betch
Dear Protective Sister Betch,
If you tell your brother you don’t like his girlfriend, all he’ll do is resent you and it will probably make him like her even more. The most manipulative way to go about this is to pretend you really like her and be overly nice to her. Then, when he’s around get someone else to casually mention something that’s really annoying that people do, that she obviously also does. For example, you could get your friend to say, “I hate it when girls wear bright eye shadow during the day. It’s so trashy.” This way you’re not directly insulting her but your brother will feel insecure about his choice of girlfriend. Being passive aggressive and allowing it to look like she’s attacking you is also a great way to appear to be the victim of a very mean girl.
Finally, if none of the above works, move on. Why do you care so much? Are you trying to fuck your brother or something? Who gives a shit who he dates? Go get your own love life.
Sincerely, The Betches
Dear Betch,
I'm a classic betch and always have been. So after finding this site it has become my bible, nothing makes me feel better than reading a little betch.
So after almost a whole semester at college I finally met a bro I was into. We went on a date that was super cute and he ended up coming back to my room. We hooked up after watching a movie and it was totally awesome. He even texted me the next day saying what a great time he had and that he wanted to see me again. So we made informal plans for the next weekend. In the middle of the week he just stopped talking to me. The day we were supposed to hang out he texted me saying that he just didn't want anything serious.
I mean what? We only hooked up once and he initiated seeing each other again. We haven't spoken since and I know I should forget about him because he's being a jerk but for some reason I can't drop it. Should I try to talk to him or how should I handle this?
Sincerely, I want more
Dear I Want More,
If by ‘hooked up’ you mean you had sex with this bro, the answer to why he’s over you is clear. Clearly you suck at #8 not fucking bros. As we mention countless times, if you have sex with a guy right away, he’ll think that you have sex with every guy right away and therefore he’s not special and you’re kind of a slut. Of course he texted you saying he had a great time. But what he really meant is ‘I’m glad you put out. That was easy.”
If you didn’t have sex with him and just hooked up with him, you were probably being pretty clingy and annoying or showed that you were too into him. It’s important to keep the mystery alive. Initially, a guy should always be unsure about whether or not you’re into him and think that he can be easily replaced. Keep this in mind for the next bro, this one is a lost cause. Definitely do not try and talk to him. Get over it.
Sincerely, The Betches
none of the above questions or subsequent responses were at all betchy. what is this, dear abby?
Posted on — ReplyThe first question has Cher and Josh written all over it.
Posted on — ReplyIt’s ok since Josh was her ex-step-brother!
Posted on — ReplyLike who are you Beyonce? If not, fuck off
Posted on — Replyit’s safe to say if you have to ask how to bring a betch down, you are probably not a real betch in the first place..being able to bring any betch down, who poses a threat to you or those around you (i.e a close family member), is one of the cardinal rules to being a betch.. if you were not born with this preexisting knowledge then unfortunately it is highly unlikely you will be able to learn it now and even if, by slim chance, you were able to adopt this principle, it’s doubtful you’d be able to execute it properly. If some nasty betch was trying to infiltrate my fam, she’d be deported faster than all the illegal immigrant workers in the US..
Posted on — Replyby that, do you mean not at all? stop tth
Posted on — Replyanyone that asks questions on here is not a betch…betches know what to do with their own problems and know exactly how to manipulate to get their own way…fucking duhh
Posted on — Replywhat wannabees this is pissing me off all these fat losers messaging in pretending to be betches…so not betchy
while there’s some truth in these posts and some of this advice is helpful, for the most part this website is satirical… a real “betch” probably wouldn’t be reading this website at all! it’s all in good fun
Posted on — Replychill out you psycho, no one gives a shit what you have to say. if we did, you’d probably be a “head betch” and making your own posts on the site. til then, shut up.
Posted on — Replyhilairious
Posted on — ReplySeriously,“betches”, stop asking for fucking dating advice. All you girls who are letting bros walk up and down you like you’re a catwalk need to read 2 books: He’s Just Not That Into You and Why Men Love Bitches. Side note, you are not a betch, but a nice girl, if you let bros treat you like shit. Have some dignity and self respect. Nobody likes a stage 5 nice girl; no, not even your cat.
Posted on — ReplyThis is exactly what the Bachelor’s older sister must be thinking of his relationship with Courtney. That betch is one big bag of crazy! Just Saying.
Posted on — ReplyLOL
Posted on — ReplyYou leave the fuck alone is what you do
Posted on — Reply