As you all know, we've thoroughly discussed who the betch is and her amazing ways. But now it's time to delve into the only thing worse than a nice girl, the anti-betch, more commonly known as the hipster. Don't know what a hipster is? We'll paint a picture for you. While we're ordering our iced coffees at Starbucks, they're usually the bearded barefoot guys in a corner, wearing tank tops that they bought in the infant section of American Apparel. If they weren't updating their Tumblrs on their 17" Macbook Pros you'd probably mistake them for homeless men.
Hipsters live in a constant state of competition with each other for who can drop the most obscure reference (we would give an example but we don't know any), articulate the most deep thought, or make the strongest statement about hating the man through their ironic choice of uncomfortably tight consignment jeans.
Speaking of these jeans, can someone please tell us why there is a need to cuff them. Do you just happen to enjoy the color of the lower half of your calf as it loses circulation? Someone give us the answer to this inexplicable wardrobe riddle.
I don't need shoes, I fucking run this coffee shop on Foursquare.
How about those glasses….Everyone knows what we're talking about. It's the thick black square frames everyone wears to denote themselves as a hipster. You know, because we couldn't tell you were "alternative" based on your unbuttoned flannel exposing your bare chest, Dan Humphrey. FYI, your chest is not a shirt, even if it says something really profound like "I don't know where I'm going next" or "we are all made of stars." I'll tell you where you're going next: Hell, or back to Williamsburg.
[Side Note: The best is those girls who want to nurture their inner hipster a little bit so they buy the large-rimmed glasses to match their flannel shirts from LF. In most of these cases you can almost guarantee the lenses have no prescription. The only thing worse than hipsters are halfway-hipsters.]
We'll even go so far as to argue that, for all their environmentalist bullshit, hipsters are actually causing pollution. In fact, we've recently submitted a subsection to the Wikipedia page for An Inconvenient Truth entitled Hipsters: The Only Greenhouse Gas You Can See.
Yeah because getting fucked up on ambien and talking about existentialism is wayyyy better than drinking...Also, why do they have to ride their bikes everywhere? It's like, get a fucking car you're from the suburbs. Our parents should feel lucky that we at least spend our money on Chanel bags and sick jewelry. Hipsters on the other hand, probably spend just as much, but to make themselves look fucking poor. $120 for a haircut to appear as if I haven't cut it in 3 years?! Count me in. Sorry hipsters, if you were as poor as you claim, you would have to get a job and would have way less time to smoke Parliaments on your stoop. Stoop kid's afraid to leave his stoop!
Anyway, it's time to denounce this weird ass breed of human, who dress in uniform and whose goals are to be as different as humanly possible. Clearly they haven't had a chance to double check their logic when it comes to their objectives in life. Note to hipsters: we see through your desperate attempts to protest consumerism by buying clothes with as little fabric as possible, and we feel you on that. Less fabric = better. But everyone knows dressing like a slut as a girl gets you fucked, dressing like a slut as a guy lands you at a small cafe discussing the symbiotic relationship between Nietzsche and Faust.
I fucking love this.
Posted on — ReplyOMG thank you! Hipsters are so fucking gross. I especially hate when they come into the bar and choose to play weird fucking songs that totally kill the party vibe! Acoustic guitar and spoons music is not fun to blackout to.
Posted on — Replydon’t think i didn’t spot the one obscure reference you did make…. #love
Posted on — Replyhating hipsters is as betchy as you can get.. sorry im not sorry that i love leather Chanel bags and eating Pinkberry which a cow had to be “tortured” in order to make. get over yourselves hipsters
Posted on — ReplyFuck yes.
Posted on — Replyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8G3T-E4rYU
Posted on — ReplySomeone had to call these annoying freaks out and you betches did an amazing job. And the halfway-hipsters are the fucking worst, like who the fuck are you trying to be and impress. This hipster “trend” or whatever these freaks want to call it needs to stop ASAP. I unfortunately live in the “Most Hipster State” (Minnesota) and want to kill myself for having to see insane amounts of these people daily. So Hipsters stop trying to make a fucking statement with every little thing you do, slam some Tequila shots and take some advice from the betches on how to live. K thanks bye.
Posted on — Replyoooh, MN, hate that for you. midwest hipsters are the worst because they have a complex about not living on the super academic east coast or in berkeley/portland.
Posted on — Replyand i absolutely agree. halfway hipsters are TTH.
Perfect stoop kid reference
Posted on — ReplyLiterally did not think I could love this blog any more until I saw your fucking Hey Arnold quote.
Posted on — ReplySo funny
Posted on — ReplyI have to say, the entire west coast north of San Franny is Hipsterville. I didn’t even know Minnesota existed. But I agree with you, halfway-hipsters can go fall off a cliff.
Posted on — ReplyI find myself identifying less and less with your website. At first, it seemed as if you guys were intelligent, hardcore party betches that handled your men, alcohol and drugs the way I do. But now post by post, I’m just perpetually blown away with your utter ignorance and complete lack of style (glasses are cute, you apparently just don’t know how to accessorize outside of Chanel bags).
F u guys, I’m gonna go find myself some hipsters I think??
Posted on — Replyum glasses are not cute. like are you too poor for lasik? and the thick black rimmed ones are the worst. fucking duh
Posted on — ReplyDid NOT spot the hey arnold ref. Help a sister out??
Posted on — Replythey cut/roll their jeans so the pedals don’t get caught in them while riding their bikes
Posted on — Replyhow i realized i’m too much of a hipster to be 100% betch: my first thought after reading the last line was that you can’t really compare nietzsche and faust like that because nietzsche was a philosopher and faust is a fictional character from a story…perhaps you meant proust?
Posted on — Replyum glasses are the easiest way to make yourself appear smart and superior without having to actually do anything. plus you can get some really cute expensive ones.
Posted on — Reply#I’mHIPasfuck
Posted on — ReplyUhh dumbass..she was talking about the thick black rimmed glasses which are anything BUT cute. If you’re a fan of the “hipster vibe” then get off this site, loser.
Hipster will NEVER happen in Betchworld!
Posted on — Replyyou forgot to mention how they dont shower
Posted on — ReplyPlease….San Franny????? Please.
Posted on — ReplyA fucking men
Posted on — Replytry going to a university full of them, grad school kids are the ultimate hipster wana-bes combine that with anything slightly related to the arts (architecture) and u have a fucking minefield. No Columbia you are not the cool version of an ivy league school, there is no such thing as a cool nerd. You are hopelessly awkward, socially inept freaks masquerading around in ur hipster outfits pretending to be interesting. No one should try that hard to be interesting, and no matter how big ur granny glasses are, you can not hide ugly. put on some effin make up bitch.
Posted on — ReplyAgreed.
Posted on — ReplyHahaha funny, glad I’m not the only one who thinks the same, just happy you say it.
Posted on — Reply^ this. what are you guys trying to be, barbie dolls? also the comments make me cringe so much, so i’m judging you by your readership. also - the “fucking duh” makes you all sound like middle school wannabes and it’s making me want to put a gun to my fucking head.
betches - you were more fun when you were smart and chic city girls talking about drugs and blacking out. hating on people for the style of their glasses? who gives a shit?
Posted on — ReplyCouldn’t agree more <3
Posted on — Replyi go to school in manhattan, parsons, and literally EVERY guy is hipster it’s so fucking frustrating.. like fuck this shit, give me some pros
Posted on — ReplyArt=Architecture? Sorry you’re not intelligent enough to get into a decent school, rich enough buy in, or have a good legacy.Going to to a place exclusively for smart, privileged people is the absolute betchiest.
..and really, effin? Tacky.
Posted on — ReplyBetches say fuck. As in, you’re fucking retarded.
I live in Williamsburg. I am so not a hipster. Thank you for writing this.
Posted on — ReplyI’m half hipster, half betch. xo
Posted on — ReplyStoop kid’s afraid to leave his stoop! Remember that? hahaha
Posted on — Replyuhm…i think she GOES to columbia, which has a 6 percent acceptancce rate. i think that’s a decent school. read much?
Posted on — ReplyYou’re full faggot
Posted on — Reply“stoop kid’s afraid to leave his stoop”???
fucking duh.
Posted on — ReplyHipsters are disgusting. Since when is looking like a homeless person betchy? Try living in the pacific northwest, hipster central. Maybe I should start walking up to them and offer them money because they look homeless. Maybe then they’ll be shamed out of this unfortunate phase of human existence.
Posted on — ReplyI love this site, save for this.
Posted on — Replyno such thing as half hipster, half betch…...
Posted on — ReplyYour just a troll!!
Posted on — Replybetches DO NOT do half & half, so you can get 100% of your hipster ass back to Williamsburg.
Posted on — ReplyLegit dudes cuff their jeans to signify that they’re wearing selvedge denim. It’s expensive and classy AND hip. Look it UP.
Posted on — ReplyIt’s not a trend, you dummy. The term and style came about in the ‘50s, but you wouldn’t know that since you don’t read anything other than blogs and (probably) People Weekly.
Posted on — ReplyAlso, I don’t think betches can come from the midwest. Sorry not sorry, but if you ain’t from a coast then you’re trash, babe.
stoop kid! probably the best reference i’ve ever seen on this site.
Posted on — ReplyI 100% agree. This article was way overdue.
Posted on — Replycould not agree more. it makes me sad to see the authors of hilarious posts such as “ugly hot” and “sunday morning regrets” go down this path. nothing beats #talkingshit about people you know, but who gives a fuck about what the “hipsters” are doing???
“betches” -the number of times you drop references to your chanel handbag makes you sound like new money (not impressed with your knowledge of brands) and please realize that starbucks is only still cool to types of girls still wearing long champs - please develop some taste. betches have high standards, and coffee you could buy in some nowhere town in the middle of fucking kansas is not the best.
GET A CLUE.
Posted on — Replyobscure? HOW HIPSTER OF YOU!
Posted on — ReplyStoop kid
Posted on — ReplySan franny? Minnesota? Shit people.. Try being in Omaha, the birth place of saddle creek records, conor oberst and bright eyes. San franny and Minnesota got nothing on Omaha and the hipsters that plague this city..
Posted on — ReplyYou forgot to mention how all they drink is fucking disgusting PBR…apparently blacking out from vodka or tequila is too “mainstream”?
Posted on — Replyhipsters only wear fake glasses and sit around talking about philosophy in public so that the rest of the world will think they’re smart. they’re just obnoxious. betches also understand the different ways in which kafka’s literature can be interpreted, but we’re just not obnoxious about it. only people of average intelligence feel the need to put on a show.
Posted on — ReplyBahahaha! true
Posted on — ReplyWow. I know a girl who is the epitome of this and she is so fucking annoying. Amen to this post.
Posted on — Replymy exact thout
Posted on — Replymy exact thought
Posted on — Replymy exact thought
Posted on — Replyfirst of all assholes, those “hipsters” from minnesota and whatever other middle america state you think is full of hipsters is actually full of hicks. they look poor because they are and if they sound smart to you then you have a whole other set of problems. Williamsburg is full of hipsters perhaps some have migrated to san franny because they’re sick of everyone on the east coast trying to be like them. But before you go complaining about how horrible it is to be surrounded by hipsters learn what they are and how to tell the difference between a hipster and straight up hick.
Posted on — ReplyBut but…if I reference this blog in actual conversation, does that count as an obscure reference?
Posted on — ReplyI never even see people like this. Why are they getting any attention?
Posted on — Replyyour description of a hipster wasn’t a hipster. if what you call “hipsters” are everywhere, then they arent hipsters. meta hipsters are real hipsters, because the coined term “hipster” is too mainstream, as was the fashion that was associated. this articles just judges people based on what they wear, which means nothing. surfers fit your description of hipsters fairly well, (riding bikes, barefoot, environmentalist, sticking to man). so in actuality, you are just ripping apart posers. im not defending “hipsters” im just showing that whatever bullshit you wrote is some of the most ignorant shit i have read in a month
Posted on — Replyi agree that hipsters are gross. they are. they reak of homelessness anti betchiness stuff like occupy wall street and liberal views (ew). but LF stores is the shit. its pretty fucking betchy as a lot of poor people can’t afford it and it’s actually stylish, unlike most brands at department stores which sell nice girl shit.
Posted on — Replyterrible article
Posted on — ReplyCan’t tell if douchebags making fun of hipsters, or hipsters making fun of hipsters.
Posted on — Replyhipsters have swagggggg, you are just jellin.
Posted on — Replytoday i saw a hipster outside of his natural habitat - the gym. they appear from time to time, but they are always easy to spot in their blatant hipster-gym-ensemble (despite desperate attempts to look unique, or ironic, or whatever): horizontal-striped american apparel tank to show off poorly defined biceps, shorts in a bright hue that are just a bit too short for a dude at the gym, and of course the keds for men/vans lace-up shoe that gives the illusion of flat feet. what a great look, hipster douchebag.
Posted on — Replythe term “hipster” does not mean that a person is a lazy fuck who sits on their ass all day and spends their parents money from their savings accounts while looking homeless. If you think so, you have fallen into the trap of letting stereotypes and a few bad experiences with “hipsters” define the personality of every person who fits the outward description. I’d also like to add that the term “hipster” is irrelevant now. It no longer applies to my generation and if you think so then clearly you are behind. And not just behind a few months but a few years. It isn’t cool to wear flannel and huge glasses. And definitely not to sit on your ass all day (not sure if it ever really was?) Maybe thats how the decade before me was but thats not how we are. I would say that youth culture today is more fixed on doing more than ever before. Maybe you should take the time to get to know a couple “hipsters” rather than writing them off.
You really don’t understand the term do you? No matter how many clothes you buy from rick owens/jil sander/uniqlo/thrift stores/ h&m/zara or how many techno/house/experimental/uk bass/ witch house shows you go to, its not the point. People can see right through it an get a vibe of your intentions. Its not about what you buy or how many cool things you do, its about who you are as a person. If you are cool or not cool. Clearly, you are not one of the cool ones.
Posted on — ReplyI’m in love with this one!! Finally it has been addressed!! I’m visiting my sister in Chicago right now and hipsters are EVERYWHERE! I’m gagging! They need to get over themselves and get some jeans that fit!
Posted on — ReplyHEY WILLIAMSBURG!!! finally a shout out to va
Posted on — Replyaw yeah, hey arnold reference.
please write a post about betchy cartoon characters (angelica fucking pickles and rhonda wellington lloyd, two betchy examples)
love it! cant stand hipsters.
Posted on — ReplyFirst off, “San Franny?” Really? Say San Francisco.
Second, not everyone who lives between NY and LA is a hick.
Third, pick up some class. I’ve never seen a more degrading website in my life.
Posted on — ReplyYou’re an idiot.
Posted on — ReplyPutting people down puts you on their level, you know. Also, talking about brand names doesn’t make you classy. This whole website is like reading The Clique..which by the way I finished in 7th grade. I think both you and the hipsters are pretty pathetic. This is the kind of shit that takes away womens’ credibility in society and enforces stereotypes that we all call each other “betches”. thank you!
Posted on — ReplyI grew up in Philadelphia, but I’ve been living in the Kansas City area for the past 10 years. Leawood/Overland Park area of Johnson County is like, the betchiest area ever besides Upper East side New York or 90210. It’s one of the most affluent areas in the nation (one of the Top 10 Counties, I believe.) So don’t just go around making dumb statements. The Midwest is betchy. Betches aren’t dumb, so stop pretending you’re a betch.
Posted on — ReplyWOW your really trying to be something your not. I’m from St. Louis.. the midwest is not betchy/affluent lol. I currently live in Chandler, AZ and it is filled with Bitches!
Posted on — ReplyI think @GSElevator sums it up best. Can we stop calling them hipsters and go back to calling them pussies?
Posted on — ReplyClassic.
best post yet
Posted on — ReplyYup, they are here alright…but there was no mention of the
Posted on — Replyslouchy knit hat to cover their filthy hair. Back in the 50’s and
60’s they weren’t hipsters…they were beatniks.
honestly could of been a lot better. better references, examples and disses. disappointing
Posted on — ReplyLove all these desperate comments on every post where people try to defend their area codes, cars and overall betchiness. Your clearly not a betch if you sound like a crazy person trying to convince everyone your a betch. So owned.
Posted on — ReplyClearly Betches, you forgot to mention the hipster fucking DJs. Otherwise, well done.
Posted on — ReplyThis is absurd, how do you people live with yourselves- trying to compete with money and ‘betch’ness. Open your eyes and talk about something that actually matters. I think this website is totally cool but not a lot of people who read it. I also do not favor this article, sure there are some hipsters who could be annoying but this is too big a generalization and overall a way ignorant piece.
Posted on — Replyworst article ever. reading about hipsters and how much you think they suck isn’t entertaining. while some of your articles made me laugh this one just made me think you’re a stupid bitch.
Posted on — Replythis article makes you look as dumb as karen from mean girls.
Posted on — Replypoor thing, you must live in between NY and LA…sucks to suck.
Posted on — Replyboring..written during her shark week. cranky-ass bitch dug as deep as she did on her college app essay to Penn State simply entitled: “Im like really driven”
Posted on — ReplyWhy did the hipster burn his tongue?
Posted on — ReplyBecause it wasn’t cool yet.
amen
Posted on — Replythe hey arnold reference was awesome
Posted on — ReplyWow. I used to be a loyal fan of this site! The betches are really grasping at straws with this post. Nothing wrong with creative people who dress differently than you…and you hate them because you don’t understand the culture of the arts and you’re not worldly enough. Quit being the biggest haters ever and you’ll stop losing so many fans. Yolo betches.
Posted on — Replyhey “southern belle”, not that williamsburg. the one in brooklyn. fucking duh.
Posted on — Replynot in fucking virginia. get a life and a compass. nobody gives a shit about colonial williamsburg.
Posted on — ReplySan Franny!!!!!! ha you’ve made somewhere cool sound like a vagina. congrats.
Posted on — ReplyI hated this. Go read a book.
Posted on — ReplyFYI Betches, hipsters hate you back.
Posted on — Replylove
-a hipster
This made me remember how much I despised my hipster roommate all of freshman year. I made a really bad betch call when I agreed to room with her after orientation at school because she had no shit, whereas I needed all the space for my name brands. WRONG MOVE.
Just because she was a hipster, didn’t mean she wasn’t a total betch….. and seriously what could be worse? A loser hipster AND wanna be betch?... Maybe her fucking UO record player actually was worse….
Posted on — Replythis post was long needed and I really like cause its good and really funny
Posted on — ReplyThis article is too perfect and so completely true. Going to Bonnaroo this weekend is going to be a hipster overload
Posted on — ReplySo I’m kinda confused by this post…you completely ignored the aspect of female hipsters. A lot of which can actually be pretty hot, mostly due to the fact that hipster girls tend to be really fucking skinny and vain (although they won’t admit to it). I’m not sure if I’d consider myself more of a hipster or a betch. I go to university of maryland where everyone is either a nerd, a jap, or a hipster. Maybe i’d feel more bitchy, but i’m sorry, japs are really fucking annoying, void of personality, and completely unrelatable to anyone besides other japs. Personally, I love dressing quirky (but stylishly so and obv slutty when i go out), listening to indie music, and just being plain fucking weird sometimes. At the same time I LOVE not doing work, not being fat, pounding shots, blacking out, and rolling face. I basically like doing and acting however the fuck I want and if betches say YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US if I want to act a little hip, then fuck them, I’ll just go take some free bong rips at my hipster friends’ house, thank you very much
Posted on — ReplyIs this not a blog? Do you not follow a certain world of fashion? Do you not listen to a certain type of music? Do you not hang out at Starbucks? Do you not spend exorbitant amounts of money on material possessions which you will only discard later in lieu of the next must have accessory. They are not the only slave to media, fashion, music and trends. All you seem to see is the differences, when maybe you should be looking for something closer to you heart, at the people behind the scruffy beards and the horn rimmed frames, the minds, quirks, and eccentricities that make every living breathing human being tick and keep pressing on. Cause life can be terrible enough sometimes without the oppressive judgement of strangers. Betch.
Posted on — ReplyThis blog is just so mean if someone wants to live that life than let them live it. Yu spending all ya time trying to bring them down when at the end of the day they are still going to be living their hipster life. They are not gonna giva damn about what yu think AT ALL!!!
Posted on — ReplyI so need lessons from hipsters on how to be cool, tell me that part about Kenny G again.
Posted on — ReplyNone of you cuntwads claiming to be “half hipster, half betch” actually know what being a hipster is about. It’s not a fashion trend or an environmental statement, it’s about ONLY listening to bands nobody has heard of and making references to obscure cartoons about mutant hippies with backwards knees. And being really fucking obnoxious about it.
I’m guessing that those of you claiming to be actual hipsters don’t know shit about shit either. Mainly because real hipsters don’t actually call themselves hipsters, and even most wannabe asshats deny their faux-hipsterly-ness because hipsters “don’t like being labeled”.
I love this blog, quit hating because they called you out on your bullshit and your feelings got hurt.
Posted on — ReplyMY RANT ABOUT HIPSTERS: A FEDORA STORY
Hipsters are not people who wear v-neck t-shirts, tank tops, jean shorts, skinny jeans, have tattoos or ride bikes… Don’t mistake fashion for a type of person. They can’t claim any of that clothing, tattoos or riding a bicycle any more than Led Zeppelin can claim the E chord. Get off of your soapbox.
Hipsters are simply this: Trying way to hard to be different. That is all. All of the “stereotypes” that are now in play for hipsters are making it hard for people who ride bikes for fun, get tattooed or have a large enough brain capacity to understand the many genres of fashion to exist without being harassed by people on a high horse trying ruin everyone’s fun.
Hipsters live in a constant state of competition with each other for who can drop the most obscure reference. They claim to be poor and spend money on clothing to make them look poor. This has sadly taken off and become a popular thing. If you really want to get under a hipsters skin, tell them that it’s trendy to be a hipster and see if their head explodes.
I say all this because I’m sick of being told that I am a hipster when I am simply just doing whatever the fuck I want to do and wear whatever I want to. I may wear jean shorts and cut off sleeves or tank tops or v-necks some days, but so do most NASCAR fans!! fuck off. It’s hot during the summer! You may see me riding a bike. YES! I do love exercise. fuck off. I have tattoos! YES! and they all mean something. FUCK OFF. I’m not trying to be different, I am simply doing what I want because I can. And if your self esteem is so low that you want to point out the “would be” flaws in other human beings, it’s probably time for you to go to a shrink and deal with your childhood issues. That is all. Peace out, bitches.
Posted on — Replypretty similar to a post on bro’s like this sight…..pretty similar
Posted on — ReplyAs a man I have zero problems with hipsters. Any bar/party with a bunch of hipster guys instantly means I have little to no competition for whatever girl I got my eye on. Literally I can pretty much just walk up to any girl and basically tell the hipster to fuck off. They dress like angst filled middle school chicks and probably wear the same size jeans.
Posted on — ReplyWho fucking cares. It’s a free country. Get over yourselves and stop worry about what other people do and think. At least they are doing/being what they want. You just do what you’re told and see in a dumb magazine. Everyone in this blog has repeated the person before them. Way to be original
Posted on — Reply