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By The Betches on

There's a certain pro in Hollywood who everyone loves to hate and hates that they love him. He's the definition of a professional bro who dresses like a distinguished douchebag, with a wardrobe that can only be described as one with a pinkish hue. He is the least modest and most entertaining guy on TV. Do we watch Kourtney and Kim Take New York for either of the Kardashians? Well yeah, many do. But we, as lovers of sarcastic pompous comedy with a soft spot for well dressed babies, watch it for the most amusing baby daddy we know. This man would be introducing himself if he could, Mr. Scott Disick.

 

scott disick

 

Scott debuted on TV with a rocky start, when he was known as that alcoholic asshole Kourtney Kardashian was dating. He was often seen wasted, screaming random shit, breaking mirrors, and shoving hundred dollar bills in waiters' mouths. But then something weird happened, something you don't often see in life. Scott knocked up Kourtney and actually became more responsible.

Disick got his shit together, bought a cane, bought some leopard-print loafers, got over the cane, and became a dad. Instead of dismissing his rants as fucked up and ridiculous like we did before baby Mason was born, suddenly we were smitten.

Before we knew what hit us we realized that all we wanted was a boyfriend who can pull off sextuplet-piece patterned silk suits and say romantic shit like "I could puke on myself and still be good looking."

Even though Scott has had to overcome some hardships in life, like not getting his family's inherited fortune because the fuckers lost it all, and being a Hamptons townie, this only child has been able to come out on top. Honestly, he is a betch's dream man. He's hot, dresses well, is witty, and whipped, aka everything a nice girl would hate. Congratulations Kourt, you've snagged yourself a winner.

Let's look at some epic Disick one-liners...

scott disickSmug is sexy

Kim: Oh look! Someone sent us a free yoga membership. Scott: Thank God. You wouldn't have been able to afford it.

 

Kourtney: You know I have sex pictures when I was 17? Scott: No Kourtney: With Jeff Scott: Sure Kourtney: Someone is trying to like, sell them to everybody Scott: And that was before your boob job, is that why you're mad?

Kourtney: I think a little discretion goes a long way Scott: I agree, but I think you already know what goes a long way. And that's my genitalia.

Scott (to the mother of his son, Kourt): Suck me dry, beautiful

And finally....

"That's a gentleman's photo. I got five birds, I got my son, a nice tan. I mean what more could you ask for? My hair is flowing in the wind like flocks of capistrano."

We apologize Scott, that your broast wasn't all that critical, mainly because we appreciate all the qualities you are criticized for. So Scott, you're about to be a dad again. We wish nothing but the best for your child and would be thrilled if he or she inherited Kourtney's tan and your disregard for everyone's feelings but your own. And hey now that you're all poor and shit, it might be time to put a ring on your sugar baby mama. With no prenup and a well negotiated E! special, paying for college Sperrys will be the least of your concerns.

 

18 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Scott Lover says:

    Scott heats my loins like no one else.. and he’s JEWISH! <33333

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  2. Anonymous says:

    This was literally one of your most hilarious posts yet I was absolutely dying the entire time. Scott and Mason are totally the most prime characters the Kardashian television franchise has to offer. Well done, Betches. And thank you Scott for being…. Scott.

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  3. Mason's Fairy God Betch says:

    omg IN LOVE with Scott, he’s a betch’s dream (perfect combo of cocky and whipped), and mad props to Kourt for a job we can all emulate ((although I do think she needs to pay a little more attention to him if she’s going to keep this jig up—-or then again mama bear kris can just keep upping his cash flow)).  I love that Kim could have NEVER pulled off something like this because she’s the most unbetchy person on that show.

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  4. EW says:

    Um are you betches serious? This was a horrible post. Scott Disick is clearly ugly (not even ugly hot, just gross) , gay (but he could never be your gay best friend), and uber stupid. At first I was excited to read this because I thought you guys were going to completely shut this guy down, and that it would be yet another post to crack up about because it’s witty and hilarious. Unfortunately, I was sorely disappointed and have lost so much respect for y’all. Like, really? You actually LIKE Scott? so gross…

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  5. Anonymous says:

    Its about friggin time, scott needs a spinoff where he trains guys to be pros. So glad scott finally got over his abusive alchy phase n graduated to become the douche we hate to love. Bravo betches!

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  6. Anonymous says:

    I fucking hate the Kardashians, but I. Love. Scott. he is hilarious- def the best character (person?) on any of their shows. Phenom post.

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  7. Amanda says:

    “And that was before your boob job, thats why your mad?” lol lol lol. He’s so fucking funny, I can almost over look the fact that he dresses like my 80 year old grandma.

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  8. Anonymous says:

    You mad? You said “Y’all”...

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  9. alexa says:

    the best quote is when kourtney and khloe are trying to make scott so jealous of kourtney and the polo player and kourtney says how the player was holding her on the horse in a “kind of sexual” way and scott just says… “i could go for a taco”

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  10. Laney says:

    scott isn’t a pro..hes like a betch

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  11. Anonymous says:

    Yeh, I agree. He’s a betch. Like one of the girls.

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  12. Anonymous says:

    Every single thing that comes out of this man’s mouth is gold.  Yes, I would never marry him or probably even be friends with him, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate the humor that he brings to the dry wasteland of the reality show.

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  13. Ditto says:

    My feelings exactly.

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  14. Liv says:

    Betches Love This does it again.  This article is completely right on.  Scott Disick is the most lovable rich, but actually poor, unaccomplished but well-dressed douchebag out there.  Fell in love with him and his hilariousness this past winter, and I don’t think I’m falling out of love any time soon.

    Well done.

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  15. Anonymous says:

    He was the only real interesting thing about that show… and now with mason, there are only two. They are gems.

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  16. Nanny says:

    Chris Humpfries to Scott and Court:  “You guys should get married!”
    Scott:  “We were planning to until we saw what marriage really looks like!”

    Dying for him.  He tured from an alcoholic jackass to the most endearing, funny person on this show.

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  17. JB says:

    All the Kardashians and everyone esle in Hollywood need to stop hating on Scott. He’s fucking hilarious and has an absurd amount of swagger when it comes to fashion (much more than any Kardashian woman, although i love each one A LOT). So what he pours himself a few too many dranks from time to time? So do all betches. Scott Disick is a quality bro, a dream for a classy Betch like Kourt.

    Posted on Reply
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