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By The Betches on

This week we're celebrating a betch you wouldn't expect to see here, simply because she's like fucking old. But don't let her white hair and love of vagina dissuade you from seeing her for who she really is. She's a tall skinny bitch who's not afraid to tell people why they suck and this is the reason you, Tabatha Coffey, are Betch of the Week.

Besides the obvious fact that her last name is the substance that runs in our veins, the betch literally and figuratively takes over any room she walks into. As it says in the title of her show, Tabatha literally takes over. She gets to tell exceptionally vapid people how to run their business, and then she revamps it. Tabatha's main thrill in life is a makeover, it gives her a sense of control in a world full of chaos.

And figuratively, because when she walks into a dirty ass salon that she's being paid bank to redesign, the morons she's about to tell off are not only scared shitless of her but also respect her. That's some serious Machiavellian shit right there. We're taking notes.

tabatha coffey"Ugh, ew"

We're not going to say shes the best looking lesbo to ever cross Andy Cohen's path, but we can definitely say that her accent makes up for her big ass fake lashes and that thing thats in front of her left eyebrow. I mean, she's a living fusion of Ja'mie and Mr.G. Can life possibly get more entertaining than that? When she says shit like "I wish I could slap that plastic surgery off her face" we're surprised that there are other people besides us who would actually say that out loud.


To quote one of the nobel laureates she's had to work with on the show, "I really took what Tabatha said to heart, it was something like 'You're human... you're not the'"

We know that Tabatha may not have the sweetest blood running through her body, as she hates children and is named after the witch in The Crucible, but we revere the various and creative ways she's brewed up, pun intended, to tell people to shut the fuck up and fuck off.


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11 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Audrey says:

    Obsessed with Tabatha and her show thank you for giving this betch credit!

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    anderson cooper should be betch of the week some time. his commentary on reality tv is hilar, not to mention he’s a vanderbilt!

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for quoting Clueless.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    do you not realize how blatantly desperate these “LOVE the clueless reference xx” and “Thank you for quoting clueless” comments are? obviously these go without saying. you’re not gaining any respect by stating the obvious and you’re merely doing useless work to try and prove your “betchiness,” and they are weak attempts nonetheless.

    Posted on Reply
  5. lolz says:

    someone forgot to take their xanny today!! calm down and find something better to do with life.. like visit #candyland

    Posted on Reply
  6. Anonymous says:

    I actually saw her over the summer at a hotel I was staying at, and she’s actually short and somewhat troll-like.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    I watch Tabatha everyday!!!

    Posted on Reply
  8. Angie says:

    Damn, I wish I was her lover. (Can you imagine?)
    Her show is brilliant.
    She’s brilliant.

    Posted on Reply
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