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By The Betches on

Disturbia. Only Betch In The World. Umbrella. SOS. Who's That Chick. Please Don't Stop the Music. So Hard. Run This Town. Cheers. What's My Name? (Rihanna, fucking duh). Rude Boy. Breaking Dishes. (anyone?)

fatal attraction

If you're a true betch, most of these songs were "omg my favoriteeee song" at some point. This is especially true for her new #58 house collaboration with Calvin Harris 'We Found Love,' a song that inspires betches everywhere to drop everything they were just doing (peeing, texting furiously in a corner, vomming) to run to the dance floor and scream at the top of their lungs to their besties OMGAAAHH THIS IS OUR JAM. For this reason, this week's betch of the week is none other than Rihanna.

Rihanna's amazing because she's only 23 but might be the biggest betch in the music industry. Along with her unreal songs, some of her betchy achievements include: Esquire naming her the sexiest woman alive this month, having a holiday named "Rihanna Day" in Barbados to celebrate her (though we have one too, it's called #26 Spring Break), and since she's flawlessly gorg she looks great no matter how insane her hair looks. And she wears outrageous outfits but she doesn't even have to hide her face and body like jealous fugly betch, Lady Gaga.

On top of also having her own company that she probs doesn't do any #36 work for, she also has a shrine to her fav musical influence stoner betch Bob Marley in her house. And like any #24 insensitive betch who wants to seem down to earth, Rihanna is a Cartier Love Bracelet Charity Ambassador. Obvs she's part of the betchiest charity possible.

Only Rihanna could get away with getting the shit beaten out of her and then writing a song about how much she loves to get the shit beaten out of her. Betch is so ironic.

We also love her profound lyrics like "got my Raybans on and I'm feeling hella cool tonight, yeah." Samsies, Ri Ri.

So betches, in honor of Rihanna's latest album Talk That Talk, do what the betch says and #1 talk that talk. In her own words, "got my middle finger up - I don't really give a fuck." Betch may be bad but she's perfectly good at it.

 

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38 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. ukno says:

    A+

    Posted on Reply
  2. Rachel says:

    You guys hit the betch right on the head! Loves it!

    Posted on Reply
  3. Bay Area Betch says:

    I honestly didn’t think you could top the Kate Middleton and Victoria Beckham Betches of the Week. Well done, betches. You’re back from your recent slump and betchier than ever.

    Posted on Reply
  4. Anonymous says:

    So true. You totes forgot about how she #32 won against her ex Chris brown. Betch made it so he couldn’t even attend the Grammys where he was nominated. If that’s not winning, what is?

    Posted on Reply
  5. Anonymous says:

    It’s called Don’t Stop the Music, sans the Please.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Camm says:

    Seriously one of the baddest betches on earth. Wish the article was so much longer—anyone ever notice how in half her tweets she’s drunk off her ass? Anyone read her Rolling Stones interview? Too funny.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Midwest Betch says:

    You guys were definitely in the know with this! That betch is a BAD betch & its so effortless for her that her badness is priceless! LOVE it!! Its hilarious watching her ex’s trying to top the best thing they never had!

    Posted on Reply
  8. BostonBetch says:

    got my raybans on and im feelin hella cool tonight yeaaaaah

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    Rihanna is a bore

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    Oooer mi gawd I’m sucha betch I looove to comment on things.

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black? thought so.

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    no joke, my betches and I did exactly that the first time we heard “We Found Love”.  Golden.

    Posted on Reply
  13. BluntBetch says:

    Shitty pick. Bitch tried to pick up Jay-z while hes with beyonce not only low but tremendously stupid. And speaking of, that’s a real betch talk about scoring a pro. Any way Rihanna’s a mediocre singer who’s most famous for her shitty choice in men. Girls talking about how chains and whips excite her, are we really surprised when she ends up with some bruises? Just the nature of the beast girl

    Posted on Reply
  14. Sarah says:

    Hahahahahaa!!

    Posted on Reply
  15. betchofthesleeks says:

    Eh. She’s a betch, but no one tops Britney.

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    say aye if your drunk

    Posted on Reply
  17. Selina says:

    She def deserves the betch of the week title! all that Paris Hilton bs was totes not cool.

    we found love smile

    Posted on Reply
  18. kbetch says:

    You have been in a bit of a slump this week, although some of your posts have still been spot-on.  This just proves to me that you still possess the same brilliance that made you head betches in the first place. This post is perfection, and THANK YOU for keeping it short—sometimes you get a little long-winded and that’s just a lot of work to read.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    Hahahahah “Breaking Dishes. (anyone?)”

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    Unfortunately you said I thought so before I had a chance to reply with a sly retort. And ‘pot calling the kettle black’ bloody hell that was a cutting insult.

    Posted on Reply
  21. Anonymous says:

    +1 for the use of the word “profound.” very kyle richards

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    rihanna is an overpaid talentless prostitue whateverrrr

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    Finally someone who agrees with me. Her voice is whiney and her lyrics contradict everything she says about abuse. Could have a better betch for this week.

    Posted on Reply
  24. Anonymous says:

    come on… that is my favorite

    Posted on Reply
  25. Alexandra says:

    poorly written post.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    um? First of all I doubt she was trying to “pick up” Jay considering he’s her mentor/father figure. But really who cares, the more important thing is that you’re a terrible human being for making that last statement. Liking rough sex means you deserve to be abused and choked until you pass out?!?! Yeah I don’t think so you moron.

    Posted on Reply
  27. AM says:

    Hating on Gaga is not betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    Shut up Lady Gaga sucks.

    Posted on Reply
  29. Natasha says:

    Very true.

    Posted on Reply
  30. Natasha says:

    Rhianna is ten times more real than Beyonce, and talking about S&M in no way condones abuse.  You are ignorant.

    Posted on Reply
  31. The Comeback Betch says:

    Omg this post made me half smile like twice aka gold.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    why hasn’t ja’ime from summer heights high been betch of the week??

    Posted on Reply
  33. betches ain't SHIT says:

    I loved your site and spread it to all of my friends, but will NEVER read it again after seeing you refer to GAGA as a “jealous fugly bitch”

    The idea that GAGA, a REAL musician, artist, and role model, could possibly be jealous of rihanna, a talentless dumb bitch who gets beat by her loser bf and couldn’t actually write a song to save her life IS ABSURD and completely illustrates one thing you betches clearly lack-INTELLIGENCE

    GAGA is the SHIT and a half, she fights for young girls and the disenfranchised (not that you know what that means dumb bitches)
    and rihanna is a stupid whore just like you

    Your utter ignorance is PATHETIC and I can only advise you to use your money and means to buy a fucking brain and get a clue
    OR
    Read a book—try see spot run

    Hate,

    a REAL betch who has it all smile

    PS don’t even bother responding because weezy said it best:
    “Dick in your mouth, FUCK WHAT YOU SAY”

    Posted on Reply
  34. sc<3 says:

    & if you think anyone read that long ass post, think again

    Posted on Reply
  35. jess says:

    fuck yeah ri #1

    Posted on Reply
  36. dyl says:

    no way. she deserved to get beat

    Posted on Reply
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