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By The Betches on

No betches, we didn't fuck up the title. There are only a few GBFFs that are special enough to make the cut for Betch of the Week, the pioneer being Perez Hilton, natch. But now it's time to mention not only one of our favorite people on TV but in life. He's short, appropriately flamboyant, and has an adorbs little puppy face. You may be thinking, "silly betches, Ryan Seacrest isn't gay!" No shit. It's none other than our favorite bar mitzvah boy, Andy Cohen.

andy oceanHottest Jewboy in America


Andy like, came out of fucking nowhere. We saw him hosting some show on Bravo and then in the blink of an eye swig of a shot he took over the entire effing network. What a power betch. Not only is he the Oprah of Bravo, one of a betch's staple channels, but he's besties with like, every celeb. One might even call him the sceniest scenester on the scene.

Let's talk about Watch What Happens Live, the half hour talk show that we watch while recapping the Real Housewives. Let's be real, all Andy does is read tweets, talk to celebs about the retarded shit Kim Richards says, and drink while making fun of people. Talk about a fucking dream job. And soon we'll be lucky enough to watch WWHL 5 nights a week. We can't wait to see how he fills five nights of television, but we know we can count on him to keep us updated on Patti Stanger's weight fluctuations.

andy lisaI get FOMO just looking at this pic


Our betchy agent recently pointed out to us an article in the Hollywood Reporter saying that Andy Cohen is beating the shit out of Chelsea Handler (not literally), Stephen Colbert, Conan, and is about to beat Jon Stewart in late night TV ratings. I mean, a gay host with a pet turtle winning over a bro who interviews boring government geeks? Okay we guess that makes sense. We'll take Kim's alcoholism over global warming any day. Fuck team Edward, TEAM ANDY.

So betches, usually we like to playfully rip apart our Betch of the Week, but in all honesty we can't this week. We fucking love Andy Cohen. I mean, what's not to love? This guy is the VIP of Bravo and already has one more Emmy than we do. So like, bravo for that.


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28 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Linds says:

    Are you for real? what kind of betch likes ANDY COHEN?...

    andy is the most annoying, cross-eyed and obnoxious blowhard on TV, a feat in itself considering the channel he fronts.
    i’ll give it to him that he is the brainchild behind the most addictive tv franchise ever, but that does not outweigh how irritating he is.

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    fucking love andy.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Lauren says:

    your best post to date. love love LOVE andy cohen

    Posted on Reply
  4. betchamissme says:

    i actually agree with this, i think he’s funny

    Posted on Reply
  5. BravoBetch says:

    Andy runs shit at Bravo…he’s like THE exec of everything and so he made his own show..because he could. And thank god. Who else would pose the most awkward questions at reunion shows, talk shit to everyone to their faces and call out every lie these bitches tell (o because its on camera?) right. Mazel Andy.

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  6. Anonymous says:

    Bravo! (literally) I am obsessed with Andy. Love his betchy underhanded ways of making fun of people & his adorbs facial expressions. Conan is an annoying ginger fucktard- epitome of #TTH.

    Posted on Reply
  7. betchgirl says:

    LOVE ANDY!  Don’t forget his amazing ability to call people out with a huge fake smile on his face

    Posted on Reply
  8. seriously says:

    who the fuck says “sceniest scenester on the scene?” ...  not betches.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    Sorry betches but definitely have to disagree with you on this one. Andy Cohen is probably one of the most annoying “men” on tv. Honestly, the only think about WWHL that I enjoy is watching how socially awkward he is. Especially after the RHONJ reunion where he was the epitome of a betch trying too hard to fit in by ganging up on Teresa just because all the other women were. Sorry Andy, you’re not a betch

    Posted on Reply
  10. Anonymous says:

    what does FOMO mean?

    Posted on Reply
  11. Anonymous says:

    Andy is the best because, besides calling people out while smirking his adorable obnoxious face off, he has those same people gushing over him and kissing his ass…since he owns all of their asses. top betch for sure

    Posted on Reply
  12. Anonymous says:

    speaking of bravo, can i vote patti stanger for betch of the week? i know she’s kind of fug sometimes and used to be a fatty (um can we talk about how much weight she’s lost?!) but honestly she’s got every betch quality out there. super critical, fab clothes, lots of money, dream job, lives in LA…

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  13. - says:

    fear of missing out, betch

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    Do a post about FOMO! my besties and I have been using the term “FOMO” four or five nights out of the week for the past fucking year, thinking we made the term up. I should have known you betches would be on the pulse of everything relevant in this world!

    Posted on Reply
  15. Anonymous says:

    Fear Of Missing Out, fucking duh

    Posted on Reply
  16. Anonymous says:

    what does that even mean…?

    Posted on Reply
  17. kbetch says:

    Andy is absolutely not a betch.

    and “sceniest scenester on the scene”=trying to hard

    Posted on Reply
  18. Bros shall prevail says:

    What the fuck is this? You just copied NYB,. This site fucking sucks. Your an annoying bitch. Fuck you bros shall prevail.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    who doesn’t??

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    Andy def is a betch. Hes not even annoying, especially compared to say Patti Stanger and his testosterone levels are probably lower than hers. And his facial expressions are priceless. Just watching his reactions to all the crazy shit people do & say is absolutely amazing. Loves it

    Posted on Reply
  21. cbetch says:

    Fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  22. ConcurringBetch says:

    Watching RH when you’re bored/lazy is a necessary activity, not especially betchy or unbetchy.  It’s just what we do, part of our routine.  Like our necessary bimonthly trips to Nordstrom.  Sure our fave gay guy in the shoe department is awesome, but I wouldn’t necessarily crown him with the sacred title of betch.  Can we please save betch titles for people and things that actually have substance???

    Posted on Reply
  23. texas betch says:

    someone get that pup to a groomer asap

    Posted on Reply
  24. Perfect Betch says:

    best betch of the week since (It’s) Britney (Betch).

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    Why are you even commenting on this site if your definition of being a betch entails bimonthly trips to Nordstroms? As in only twice a month, wtf is wrong with you—mall trips are essential at least once a week. Poser. Lame that you’re calling out Andy when his wardrobe probably shits on yours.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    the word mall is foul.

    Posted on Reply
  27. louise says:

    you are fucking crazy. andy is the funniest and most likable person on tv. notice how your opinion is completely outnumbered? i saw one other negative andy comment and about a million positive ones. if you don’t like him i highly doubt you find anything in this blog funny or relevant, so why are you reading? go away. you are gross.

    Posted on Reply
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