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By The Betches on

So during our ritual 'Sunday smoke-day' we did everyone a favor and saw 21 Jump Street. Seeing as Channing's only skills are break dancing and wearing fedoras, we thought we'd be taking a bullet for everyone by seeing and reviewing this movie. But like, what the fuck? It turned out so entertaining - think Superbad crossed with a drug trip crossed with Never Been Kissed. It was so good I didn't even check Twitter once during the movie...okay fine one time...okay three.

Whatever, the whole cast was unreal. Surprisingly Channing AND skinny Jonah were entertaining. It's weird because Jonah always said he wouldn't be as funny if he weren't so fat, but no! Put aside his little leftover flabbster flopping around during the various police chases, he was actually hysterical. Lookout America, there might be a role for JHud in comedy after all.

21 jump st

And while we liked Channing Tatum before, we really like Channing Tatum now. He managed to say fuck you to Glee, hit Jonah Hill with a car, and finger Jonah's mouth all in one movie. He needs to be doing as many comedy roles as his ex-stripper schedule allows. Does this dove make me look badass?

The supporting roles were equally as great. You had the stereotypical Hell's Angels gangsters, the cracked out gym teacher/drug supplier (he's a pusher Cady), and Ice Cube playing the 21Jump Street supervisor who skillfully gives Jonah the #9 nickname Big Titties. Johnny Depp and Ellie Kemper were casually there. Even the girl who asked Justin Timberlake about his latest preneur was there.

Our favorite part was: the ENTIRE THING. From our first glimpse of Jonah decked out as Not So Slim Shady and hearing that his name is Schmidt, to when he scraped his elbow while "chasing his perp," to the time he shot off the gym teacher's dick and succeeded in hooking up with the popular yet ugly girl, to when they casually cut to Vitamin C's Graduation Song mid-prom gunfight, we were laughing harder than Channing and Jonah when they were tripping balls at school. Actually, the best part of the movie was later on, when we checked IMDB. The whole movie, we couldn't stop thinking about how the main popular kid/drug dealer looked as if James Franco fucked Zac Efron's mom and had a kid. But then we find out the actor is really James Franco's brother. I mean, talk about having your mind blown.

21 jump stNow this is what we call 'going on a diet with your bestie'

Our favorite Jonah Hill Moments: Let me count the many. - His glamour shots featuring a young Jay Leno adorned with Native American dreamcatchers for earrings - he said it himself, If I have to suck someone's dick I will. - "Cannabis SATIVA" - Cut to his yearbook photo of the Jugging Society and his quote, "One man, three balls" - His text to Channing, "Be home late, don't wait up. Out with Eric smile" - Getting stabbed in the back with his mom's exotic vase - the kokopelli vase is totes the new fertility vase of the Umdibelli tribe - The entire Peter Pan sitch was straight up brills. Specifically, his timely and dainty leaps. Have some fairy dust motherfucker! - Two words: Korean Jesus

What was up with... - the drug that was being trafficked out of the high school chemistry lab? No wonder the prom theme was One Night in Tijuana. Where was Marissa Cooper? But seriously, the drugs looked like Ritz crackers. - those gangsters getting drugs (disguised as a pinata) from 12th graders? Twelfth graders who deal out of a pencil case at a yearbook office, no less! Yo, the supplier wants the deal to go down at prom...dat cool? - the main girl being an extreme nice girl? The only cool thing about her was her name, which was Molly. Who cries over a late curtain call for Peter Pan!? - ALL of the "popular" kids being extremely weird. And why were there only like, 5 of them? Why didn't the main girl have any girl friends, why was she in Glee Club? Shit was cray. - the drama teacher telling his students he did cocaine with Willie Nelson's horse? Seems like a waste of gummies.

So betches, go see 21 Jump Street, it's fucking hysterical. And if anyone has a good hookup for acid disguised as a hhhhhWheat thin, give us a call.

9 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. duh says:

    Can’t believe you betches are just finding out about Dave Franco—he is such a pro.  He has that whole “I’m an asshole because I’m hot but also really hilarious” thing going on.

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  2. evie says:

    wtf happened to brie larson’s face? she looks like a cabbage patch kid!

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    • jsa17 says:

      I swear she got pregnant a few years back.  If you’ve seen the show “United States of Tara” you can totally spot the transformation.

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  3. betch says:

    LOVED the movie, saw it saturday. fucking hysterical. this was spot on. and LOVE the “hhhwheatthin” reference - effing obsessed with that commercial

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  4. Betch says:

    Saw this on an edible. Then hopped on over to Project X. Mind=Blown. Best day of my life, because we then proceeded to casually dance on table tops for St. Patty’s day.

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  5. says:

    Oh word?

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  6. michelle says:

    when channing saw the hipsters at school “i don’t know what that is” ahahahah dying

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  7. em says:

    best. movie. ever.

    Posted on Reply
  8. rj says:

    I think the joke about Willie’s horses was referring to the song, “Beer for my horses.”  It was one of my favorite lines in the movie and I thank you for posting who said it.  I was thinking it was the gym teacher…  I dig the right up.  My feeling exactly.

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