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By The Betches on

In a recent national crisis, apparently investment bankers are America's newest abused and degraded citizens. Forget poor orphaned child laborers in Somalia, Jared has used his Wharton degree to develop an addiction to Ritalin and has to wake up like, really really early. Someone start a charity! We will no longer allow our overpaid, abused future husbands to be forced into a life of stress due to corporate dinners at Smith & Wollensky instead of Masa! Get Washington on the phone! Read Article

This dog won the Westminster dog show - Chewbacca, so hot right now. Chewbacca. Article

jeremy linOmg a basketball joke we understand!

If you’re from New York and attempting to pretend to know about sports, Jeremy Lin is the newest trendy player. Bro went to Harvard and apparently is really good at basketball. Oh, and he’s 6’3 but both of his parents are 5’6. I guess his dad had that necessary case of TDS, or his mom had an affair with Yao Ming. We haven’t seen any interviews with him but expect him to be rivaling the Asian guy from Harold & Kumar in coolness. Read Article

Nice girls, this article says you can (and probably will) die alone of a broken heart. Now do my homework. Read Article

Paul McCartney quits smoking weed. The article was too long for us to read but essentially he says it’s because he has an 8 year old to raise. We say, who the fuck are you kidding, that’s why your nanny would quit smoking weed. We know the truth. It’s because your old as fuck fingers are too shaky to roll a good joint. Read Article

Vicky Becks takes a break from not smiling to cup her husband’s billboard balls. Read Article

Apparently Taylor Armstrong is fucking her married lawyer. Weird we thought she was doing the therapist. P.S. check out that little bitch/betch Kennedy sticking her tongue out. Read Article

People are pissed off that Chris Brown won a Grammy and performed twice at the Grammy's despite beating the shit out of Rihanna a few years ago. Chris Brown is pissed off that other people are pissed off. We’re pissed off that Chris is pissed off that other people are pissed off. Before tweeting 'HATE ALL U WANT BECUZ I GOT A GRAMMY Now! That's the ultimate F*** OFF,' Chris claimed 'Strange how we pick and choose who to hate! Let me ask u this. Our society is full of rappers (which I listen to) who have sold drugs (poisoning). Yeah Chris except when we do drugs we get fucked up we don’t bitch other people out. Just keep saying you’re sorry asshole. Read Article

david beckhamDon't worry Vic, we'd cup them too

Scar Jo’s boyfriend is a little bitch. Read Article

Apparently Hugh Hefner doesn’t care about women. Who would’ve thought? Apparently his son Marston was dating and beat up a former playmate. To be fair, it does look like she’s gained a little weight since her playboy days and when you date a guy named Marston who’s also the son of one of the douchiest creepers in the world, what more can you expect? Obviously it’s never okay to hit a woman. Clearly Hugh thinks so too because he was outraged, claiming, “If they care about each other, they’ll patch it up.” He later added, “and if you kill this one, you can't have another playmate…how old are you again?” You should actually read the article it’s really funny. Article

Introducing Brooklyn hipsters' newest trend, Babyccinos, cappuccinos for babies, or kids whatever. Is your baby overworked? Is her diaper dirtier than usual? Stressful day at the playground? Iced coffee not cutting it? Give your kid a pretentious Babyccino and let people know that your slobbering party foul is still classier than them. Read Article

Thief steals $10,000 worth of shit from Rumer Willis’ house. Rumer is rumored to be devastated, claiming she "worked her way up from the bottom and made a name for herself to pay for all that stuff and now all her hard work was for nothing.” Just kidding. But that’s what she would’ve said if her parents hadn't actually paid for it or if she had like, talent. Read Article

Some hick shoots at his fifteen year old daughter’s laptop and makes a YouTube video after she talks shit about him on Facebook. Tommy Jordan clearly cannot handle any shit talking from his daughter who complained about doing chores. We’re with Hannah on this one, except if my parents printed out a chore list for me to do and it included sweeping the floors or anything remotely like that I’d fucking call child protective services, not bitch about it on Facebook. Cheer up Hanns, it wasn’t even a mac. We're sure she has no response video due to the fact that she doesn't want her dad to shoot her dog or like, her new jeans. Watch Video

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5 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Anonymous says:

    sydney has had babycinos forevs. betchiest southern hemi city what up

    Posted on Reply
  2. Anonymous says:

    we’re gonna need a betchography of sydney real soon. like random ass munich gets one but not the hometown of ja’mie??

    Posted on Reply
  3. the hot chick says:

    ahahahaaha the title, nice reference to the hot chick, hilarious movie

    Posted on Reply
  4. BetchBeater says:

    I’d never hit a woman, but I’d love to beat a “betch” to death…

    Posted on Reply
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