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By The Betches on

Many of you have been emailing us asking to put up a holiday wish list because you need us to tell you what you want, it's totally flattering. So here's what we've come up with, we didn't really add prices because like how much work did you really expect us to do? You can look that shit up yourself.

Official Betches Love This Wish List

We must obviously start off with the basics. If you don't own them, it won't hurt to ask for:

bacon cologneGive your frenemy this perfume.

- a classic Chanel bag - Loub pumps - Hermes bangle and/or belt - Cartier Love Bracelet - Vodka

Electronics:

Digital camera - Even though you use your iPhone for nightly muploads, a real camera is an essential betch item. And everyone knows that you're not a true betch unless you've broken or lost at least 5 Canon Powershots in the last 8 years, so you obvi need a new one.

iPad 2 - Because your iPhone and Macbook Pro are like, clearly not enough. If you're a flashy betch, a designer case could work. We hear Marc and Louis make completely subtle and affordable cases, lol.

iPhone 4s - I know I just got the iPhone this summer but like this one has Siri!! She's a total betch. And don't worry Mom, apparently she refuses to tell anyone how to get to an abortion clinic, so take my asking you for one as a sign that I'm a responsible adult.

Apple TV - Ok so we know this shit is like 100 years old, but it's amazing to have for #23 pregames at your apartment. It's like controlling your music on your TV, well that is until someone pours vodka all over the remote. Then you're fucked.

Something Grandma might get you:

A gift certificate - The only acceptable gift certificates are Amex, or to clothing stores LF. None of that Best Buy/Circuit City bullshit. What do you take me for gramz, a middle-aged dad!?!? You might as well be spending your money on a chic garbage can because that's where your PC Richard gift card is going. Oh, and there's nothing more annoying than like a $50 gift certificate to a very expensive store. $50 to Louis Vuitton? Wtf am I gonna buy with that, a stick of Louis Vuitton gum?

Gramz is always a good one to ask for something like noise-cancelling earphones, which you can later use to tune your family out. It's like, ironic.

If your grandma is cool, like if she reminds you of Joan Rivers, don't hesitate to ask her for vodka. Like any holiday edition. This way you can suggest that both of you take shots in order to avoid her inevitable question, "No but really honey, who is ever going to marry you?"

There's nothing better than getting super trendy winter attire during the holidays like a:

- DVF sheep fur vest. Omg don't worry, Diane told us they died of natural causes. - Koolaburra boots if you're sick of your snow stained nasty Uggs - Moncler jacket - Spirit Hoods makes these really sexy, um, hats... you know if you're ever feeling like you need an extra pair of ears, or if you never want to get laid again. - Portolano chain detailed driving gloves, they're for you, not your chauffeur.

- A must have this season is gloves that you don't have to take off when using your iPhone, fucking duh. Echo Touch makes them. They're like not the hottest gloves on the shelf but I need to use my fucking iPhone without freezing to death, thanks.

Clothes, Shoes and Accessories:

- Emily Cho and Juliett Jake clutches that resemble croissants (for those who shop to curb hunger pains) - J Brand leopard legging/jeans that guys are definitely not attracted to - Equipment silk shirts, various colors - J Brand makes these coated sateen leggings we kind of want in like every color imaginable. It's possible we only want them because we like saying the word 'sateen' - Simone makes a sick black leather studded jacket, you know if the one you bought from our favorite plump Italian Massimo is wearing off - Pour La Victoire shoes - Sam Edelman Adena loafers are pretty cool, or at least Ashley Tisdale seems to think so - We kind of want to have sex with or in Work Custom Jeans Japanese faux leather tuxedo leggeras

- For kicks, ask mom to get you a Balenciaga candle. I just want my room to smell like a credit card.

fro yo machineA home froyo maker? I mean...I'll take it.

Jewelry:

- Anything but Tiffany. We're obvi into diamonds, and if you're younger go David Yurman. - We liked Dean Harris Gold and Crystal earrings, they totz match our Chanels. - Jennifer Zeuner large swirly initial necklaces, because where better to wear your name than in between your chic collar bone? - Jagger Edge Montana studded iPhone cover, because you've run out of fingers to put rings on - Cartier watch or Chanel J12 watch to replace your outdated Michele or Kors - Balenciaga also makes this watch that literally makes it as hard as possible to tell you what the time is, called the Balenciaga by Nicolas Ghesquière Gold-Tone Watch. Whatevs, betches are always late. Whats another 45 min?

If you really want to waste your money or are a rich teen mom Jamie Lynn Spears:

Get your baby a Burberry Gold Metallic Snow Suit.

What to get other people because the holidays are for uh what's that word, oh right..giving:

For Mom: Lisa Vanderpump's book For Dad: His credit card back...jokes. For your besties: Vodka or cool shit for them to decorate their apartments For boyfriend: If you've been dating forever, it doesn't really matter how much you spend, but if these are your first holidays together, you must not look like you tried so hard. Because you never want to be that girl giving your boyf like VIP tickets to fucking SHM while all he gets you is like, dinner or some old edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. For a guy you're hooking up with: Sex coupons

Happy Holidays Betches!

xx The Betches

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85 Comments TALK SHIT!
  1. Classy Betch says:

    Please explain the fascination…I thought you were betches, not the Olsen twins circa their NYU homeless years.

    Posted on Reply
  2. ScuseMeBetch says:

    I got my boyfriend a massage for the both of us. Something for me too, fucking duh.

    Posted on Reply
  3. Anonymous says:

    “An old edition of the Velveteen Rabbit” hahaha I love the Friends reference betches!

    Posted on Reply
  4. Miss Chanandler Bong says:

    “...while all he gets you is like, dinner or some old edition of the Velveteen Rabbit.” Loving the Friends reference.

    Posted on Reply
  5. Workout Betch says:

    The workout attire must haves: any and all items from Lululemon, especially the completely unnecessary infinity scarf…that we all want, wait no, need.

    Posted on Reply
  6. Umm no says:

    Spirit hoods have never been and will never be in style. Totally not betch.

    Posted on Reply
  7. Anonymous says:

    Chandler is my fave pro

    Posted on Reply
  8. the gay bestie says:

    Fantastic shopping list. However your forgetting the most important item every betch who lives anywhere with snow should already own and if you don’t your gonna need one for Christmas..that is if any stores even have any left because they sell out every year around august. Start looking now or you’ll be stuck wearing they ugly styles and colors meant for old rich people who want to be warm in the winter and because they hear Canada Goose is the warmest and the finest because it is. If you haven’t heard of Canada Goose (where the fuck have you been?) here’s some info:
    -price range 600-3000$ Canadian dollars (probably 1000+ American)
    -parkas, bombers, jackets, vests etc.
    -down filled with duck feathers
    -coyote fur trim hood
    -styles for the whole family toddlers to milfs
    If your not sold on it have fun freezing in your peacoat and Burberry scarf all winter. Be envious of us who have the luxury of wear goose because we get to feel like we are in a duvet in in our bed all winter while everyone else freezes their tits off. There is clearly a reason why goose jackets are worn on artic expeditions and on the streets of nyc,toronto,stockholm and tokyo. The reason is because if you have the money to buy the warmest most luxurious jacket that money can buy…...YOU BUY IT. 
    So there is my rant of why there is nothing betcher than wearing the worlds finest jacket and being toasty all winter and laughing everyone freezing to death in thier peacoats, ski jackets, trench coats and knock-off goose jackets

    Merry Christmas !
    Love the gay bestie.

    Ps. If you have a problem with this post I would love to hear your arguement against world renowned parkas that can not be beaten. Like there should be a whole post dedicated to why these jackets are a necessity.

    Posted on Reply
  9. Anonymous says:

    uhh so betchy. wearing one = tons of attention that you can ignore or accept. plus, have you ever worn one while on drugs while listening to edm? killing it everytime. also, spirit hoods are expensive (relative to other similar products) and its always betchier to buy the original.

    Posted on Reply
  10. YVRBetch says:

    so true. and as I did this year make sure that the items on your lululist are a variety of available online only/ only in store/ only in the flagship store or lululab .

    when you get them all it’s a sure sign that your mama/ santa truly loves you.

    Posted on Reply
  11. YVRBetch says:

    so true. and as I did this year make sure that the items on your lululist are a variety of available online only/ only in store/ only in the flagship store or lululab .

    when you get them all it’s a sure sign that your mama/ santa truly loves you.

    Posted on Reply
  12. EmJem says:

    Fire the BSCB that wrote this post. Tiffany’s never goes off the list.

    Posted on Reply
  13. iphonebetch says:

    but of course if someone spills vodka on the remote during the #23 pregame, you still have the remote app on your iphone 4, and will soon have it on your iphone 4s as well!

    not to mention your ipod touch that was forgotten about after you got your iphone 4… maybe in retirement it should be used only as a remote for your apple tv.

    Posted on Reply
  14. Anonymous says:

    I wouldn’t be caught dead in a fucking spirit hood. Leave that shit to the emos.

    Posted on Reply
  15. olivia says:

    Love the velveteen rabbit part. Awesome friends reference. I have always loved betches but this makes me a true fan

    Posted on Reply
  16. what you're missing? a sense of style says:

    i died reading this post. canada goose? really? a betch likes gaining weight just as much as Taylor Armstrong likes to eat. so why would we buy a jacket that makes us look 500 fucking pounds? second, you need to relax. if i cared about finding out the specifications, id ask a sales associate.

    Posted on Reply
  17. Anonymous says:

    Tiffanys gets off the list after your thirteenth birthday,  sorry

    Posted on Reply
  18. Betchwhohatesyou says:

    are you retarded…LF is fucking heaven, its expensive shit that always looks good… I’m sure the olsen twins are about 200% hotter than you, sorry not sorry.

    Posted on Reply
  19. Anonymous says:

    Um, FYI wearing the same jacket as 70% of the people in your city is not betchy. EVERYONE owns one, whether they’re a betch, a bro, a nice girl, semi poor, or a wannabe of either of the first 2. Anyone can save up $600-$700 Canadian Dollars and purchase one. (and ps, if its $600 Canadian, it’s going to be more like $575 American, you idiot. Not $1000. Betches don’t follow the news and stuff, but we’re not retarded and are somewhat aware of the currency exchange rate.) Anyways, unless you bought your Canada Goose like 4 years ago, (I don’t know why you’d be still wearing it if it was that long ago, but i digress) then fine, it can be betchy. If you bought it within the past 3 winters, however, way to be a follower! Talk about trying too hard.

    Posted on Reply
  20. Anonymous says:

    This is a joke?

    Posted on Reply
  21. DankyBetch says:

    Tiffany’s never gets off the list.

    Posted on Reply
  22. Anonymous says:

    it’s portolano, betches.  step it up.

    Posted on Reply
  23. Anonymous says:

    tiffany silver went off the list in high school, tiffany diamonds are doable

    Posted on Reply
  24. Anonymous says:

    Haha ya.seriously www. Khloe kardashian wears them. Vom

    Posted on Reply
  25. Anonymous says:

    Seriously though. I thought you guys were betches not dirty Lita-wearing hipsters.

    Posted on Reply
  26. Anonymous says:

    The fact that you betches support ever wearing Uggs is repulsive. So unbetchy.

    Posted on Reply
  27. the gay bestie says:

    me and my whole family have been wearing Canada Goose since they started carrying it at Holt Renfrew 5 years ago actually
    I’m not a fucking idiot btw I dont know the exchange rate because I dont go to the states to shop at malls and outlet malls for half the price we have here

    you say “70% of the city wears canada goose”... ya well 70% of the city wears louis vuitton handbags.. thats not gonna stop me from having louis v luggage? NO. I dont know what your issue with goose products is. Its the best of the best and thats what I like to wear. no matter what there is always gonna be wannabes out there and there is always gonna be poor people trying to look rich. Is that gonna stop me from being warm and stylish in the winter? FUCK NO.
    So you keep freezing your balls off bitch. ill be in dead animals.
    nothing says toasty like a jacket made from 2 different animals. boots made of 3. and a hat that killed a coyote. if PETA saw me they would throw red paint on me and I would go out and shop for it all again because canada goose has taken the world ‘cold’ out of my vocab.

    merry xmas, gay bestie

    Posted on Reply
  28. Anonymous says:

    Tiffany should go off the list after your bat mitzvah. So tacky

    Posted on Reply
  29. Anonymous says:

    i fucking love this reply. and anyone who tries to demeanor it… just fuck off

    Posted on Reply
  30. Anonymous says:

    tiffany’s jewelry is really nothing special. but maybe you still rock your heart necklace with solows and those pumas that were all the rage in middle school?

    Posted on Reply
  31. Anonymous says:

    i think he’s selling the products. no serious person bothers to advocate for a brand that much in a blog comment.

    Posted on Reply
  32. Anonymous says:

    Are you getting paid for this post or something? because being this genuinely obsessed with a fucking coat is psychotic. Also stop trying to make Canada happen, it’s not going to happen.

    Posted on Reply
  33. Amiee says:

    Tiffany silver died in HS….put the tacky matching heart charm necklace/braceley back in your Coach bag. Lost a bit of credibilty from my fav blog w the Tiffany ref…. Sad day.

    Posted on Reply
  34. Anonymous says:

    The typos and illiteracy of this post are heinous. I can tell when this writer contributes b/c she’s the worst writer. Please fire her. The other writers are great and not actual retards.

    Posted on Reply
  35. Sratty Betch says:

    I love this site, but this list fucking sucks and was obviously written by a bunch of northerners. If you actually do get interns this summer, you should seriously take into account where they’re from. You could definitely benefit from some other perspectives. Tiffany should never be taken off the list. Tiffany is timeless, while Yurman is just fugly. I mean, how can they call themselves “fine jewelers” if they don’t even make engagement rings? Also, Lilly Pulitzer DEF needs to be added to this list. Her dresses are a must have for any sratty betch.

    Posted on Reply
  36. SkylaLaTyla says:

    All i saw and needed to see was “Canadian goose ” to skip this entire comment . Are you secretly getting paid to advertise for them ? holay shiet psychooo

    Posted on Reply
  37. Anonymous says:

    Could you be more obnoxious? Cool you like your fucking Eskimo jacket, we get it. GO take a Xanax.

    Posted on Reply
  38. Jen says:

    DY actually does have a bridal line, good try, and Lilly dresses were cool when you were getting a bid to your top tier sorority at your SEC school of choice. If you’re still wearing it, well… Sucks to suck

    Posted on Reply
  39. HotBetch says:

    Why the hell would you wear Canada Goose, when you can just live in Destin?? 72 degrees here betches!

    Posted on Reply
  40. Anonymous says:

    Yurman has a BRIDAL line, yes. But engagement rings, no. If you think a solid metal band is an engagement ring I feel really sorry for you.

    Posted on Reply
  41. Anonymous says:

    Jen- You obvi don’t live in the south, otherwise you would know how much nearly every sorority girl here is obsessed with Lilly. Don’t try to talk shit about things you don’t know about.

    Posted on Reply
  42. Anonymous says:

    spirit hoods are not even real fur. why would you ever wear faux? gross.

    Posted on Reply
  43. Anonymous says:

    Fact: At LF the girls who work there wear the clothes all day then take them off and sell them, gross. Also a majority of the product is fugly shot that didn’t sell at forverer21 type stores but when marked up a 110% idiots like yourself buy it. Enjoy your new pleather vest!

    Posted on Reply
  44. Anonymous says:

    this is really weak.  the recent posts sound like some middle school pre-betch.  new writers?  bad interns?  get your shit together.

    Posted on Reply
  45. 30A betch says:

    destin is disgusting

    Posted on Reply
  46. Anonymous says:

    Rethink your definition of pro.

    Posted on Reply
  47. Anonymous says:

    They were fucking joking you idiots

    Posted on Reply
  48. Anonymous says:

    the kind of people who legit write in to the Betches to ask them “what they should want for Christmas” make me want to vomit. What in the actual fuck, are you that insecure?

    Posted on Reply
  49. Duh! says:

    They are clearly kidding, all of the items on this list is something betches would NEVER wear.

    I hope they made this list to see what pathetic sheep will follow their advice.

    Gross.

    (Obs - the vod)
    ” a classic Chanel bag”- Yea in High School.
    ” Cartier Love Bracelet” - Um… never. So like, six years ago.

    “Koolaburra boots if you’re sick of your snow stained nasty Uggs”- Def a joke, who the ef wears nasty uggs?
    “Moncler jacket” - No comment
    “Simone makes a sick black leather studded jacket, you know if the one you bought from our favorite plump Italian Massimo is wearing off” - Again, no comment
    “- Spirit Hoods makes these really sexy, um, hats… you know if you’re ever feeling like you need an extra pair of ears, or if you never want to get laid again.” - Only if you’re a dirty hippy furry raver.
    “Sam Edelman Adena loafers are pretty cool, or at least Ashley Tisdale seems to think so” - Two words (actually names, but whatev.) Ashley-[fucking]-Tisdale? C’mon.
    “Jennifer Zeuner large swirly initial necklaces, because where better to wear your name than in between your chic collar bone?” - When you live in the ghetto.

    This outrageous, if you really did go for satire, this was phenom. If you are serious…. I’ll be so disappointed.

    Posted on Reply
  50. Anonymous says:

    canadian bitches have been wearing lululemon since 1995. shit is waaaay to old

    Posted on Reply
  51. Anonymous says:

    EW canada goose is so 5 years ago. EVERYONE wears them now which equals a big fuck no. I don’t wear mass produced clothing that 70% of everyone else is wearing. Had one 5 years ago, over it now.
    Also, my friends black drug dealer from the bahamas wears one which obviously makes its totally NOT BETCH. Black and bahamas people wearing them? Count me out. Go for the actual designer winter coat like any true betch not one that was made for people who work in Alaska.

    Posted on Reply
  52. Anonymous says:

    My mom wore lily like 5 years ago when it was cool, ew over it

    Posted on Reply
  53. olivia says:

    why would they include Canada Goose jackets on the list when Moncler jackets was already on the list? they’re mostly nicer and have way more selection. Canada goose is everywhere and old..

    Posted on Reply
  54. Anonymous says:

    You’re from Canada. Sit down.

    Posted on Reply
  55. Anonymous says:

    aw you poor sweetheart other perspectives are for nice girls and losers.. you’re a typical southern hillbilly ... lilly pulitzer should never be on the list.. her designs are for grandmothers and 40 year old women… you can go bake some cookies and make a sandwich for your frat daddy now.. the betches are obv from new york for a fucking reason.. because the south is gross and twelve steps behind the rest of america

    Posted on Reply
  56. lily says:

    exactly.. they are the sad losers that try to hard to be cool

    Posted on Reply
  57. Classy Betch says:

    How can you call a store “the shit” when it half the things it sells are one size fits all? Are you like….fat? Ew.

    Posted on Reply
  58. betch says:

    You totally swiped most of these ideas from the instyle christmas holiday gift guide. ew. bad form

    Posted on Reply
  59. Anonymous says:

    Want to use the word “like” one more time in this post?

    Posted on Reply
  60. anonymous says:

    if you want the betchiest, warmest, most amazing winter jacket ever…fuck canada goose, cling on to parajumpers by their fucking metallic hooks.

    Posted on Reply
  61. PCB Betch says:

    Eww. 30 A is full of old people and boring shit.

    Posted on Reply
  62. oh great says:

    oh great, now im so embarrassed to be from the south…lili is about as cool as your vera bradley backpack

    Posted on Reply
  63. Anonymous says:

    theres no point being excited about lulu lemon anymore. it is old news like canada said.

    Posted on Reply
  64. Anonymous says:

    how bout no? fuck that.. you just cant top canada goose. its not possible.
    and all these people chirping canada need to stfu right now, dont be jealous because your whole country is obese. its disgusting the amount of fat people in see in the states when i am visiting. your government should spend less on military other uses things your govenment stinges you for and focus less on jesus christ and guns and put ALLL that money and energy into gym membership and vegetables for the whole nation.. even poor people! oh and your all broke.. #sorrynotsorry #yaifuckingsaidit

    Posted on Reply
  65. Anonymous says:

    She’s right though.. canadian bitches umm correction betch first of all, have been wearing it forever. you’re embarrassing for asking for workout clothing for christmas

    Posted on Reply
  66. Anonymous says:

    shut up… you’re embarrassing the rest of us canadians

    Posted on Reply
  67. Anonymous says:

    Just lost even more respect for this site, if there was any left.

    Posted on Reply
  68. Vera says:

    Vera fucking Bradley. Haha

    Posted on Reply
  69. RELAX says:

    Canada Goose makes great warm jackets, however, they have no business outside of cold climates.. sure i love my bomber but i also have to endure -50000 degrees in Canadian winters. I would much rather don a more sleek, stylish coat. Also they don’t sell out in August. I got my limited edition PBI bomber last year at the end of October from one of the authorized retailers in Montreal. Also the fox fur hoods are much betchier than the traditional coyote.

    Posted on Reply
  70. Anonymous says:

    what an awful list. and you copied InStyle Mag’s holiday list.. sad.

    Posted on Reply
  71. EmJem says:

    THIS.

    Posted on Reply
  72. kimberly says:

    The writing style of this entry was NOT like the others. This writer was clearly trying too hard. Usually, the entries are hilarious. But this one had a really stupid tone that was just trying desperately to be funny. Newsflash: You’re not. You really just sound like a huge tool. Happy holidays, betches!

    Posted on Reply
  73. Anonymous says:

    cartier love bracelets were cool….in the 70’s. only acceptable if bracelet in question is that of a deceased rich family member who gifted it to you… that way, tackyness is forgiven because bonus points for giving you a chance to talk about yourself

    Posted on Reply
  74. LiteralBetch says:

    WHO wears Canada Goose? Whoever has you as their GBFF must be a walking train wreck. Couldn’t agree more with the first comment, nobody pays to look like a whale. Also nobody, or at least nobody with any fooking sense, pays 600$+ for a jacket that looks like it costs $10 and should be permanently housed at the end of a bargain bin. Seriously, get with the times. If you’re going to wear a puffa, wear Moncler or something that doesn’t make you look like a trashy whore. They only use real fur too, and better fur than Cayote for the most part.

    Posted on Reply
  75. Ewtocanadagoose says:

    Canada goose is the ugliest jacket ever and every loser I know wears one. Hi 2006!! Big deal they’re “warm” I can think of 100 nicer jackets and honestly I’d rather be cold and betchy than warm and gross. Let’s face face it if you’re still wearing a Canada goose then…you’re STILL wearing Canada goose. Lol go back to your big Mac now

    Posted on Reply
  76. Maggie says:

    LF one size fits all is a brand? are u stupid it comes in different sizes u obvi dont know ur shat LF is cute when you know how to pair ti with high end stuff if u think its tacky thts because you dont know how to shop there its a skill

    Posted on Reply
  77. vandy betch says:

    lilly pulitzer is fucking vom, nobody wears that shit unless they’ve gone home to ask their parents for more $$$ and want their parents to think they still go to fucking sunday school.  You couldn’t wear lilly p in class of anything post-‘95, and even then only if your sorority started with Alpha.  And Yurman has a pretty sweet engagement ring line…not my favorite, but reallll betchy.

    Posted on Reply
  78. Wrong Ideals says:

    Funny thing I ran upon this thread. I am a Psychologist who was once upon a time a self centered bitch like each one of you.  I now live a fine life with two grown Sons and am proud of what I have become, double doctorates, two homes two Porsches and a Land Rover, all paid for.  You little snotty betches won’t get far in life if you sit around and think that taking from Mommy and Daddy and being a snuck up snob is cool.  Find something positive to do with your lives and be glad for what you have.  One of you may just be poor one day.  Beyotches, yes I will say it, you all sound like a bunch of spoiled ass beyotches that I am ashamed to say will grow up to become women.  Go to school and get a damned educaiton and make something of yourself.  You would die to peek in my closet, Chanel, Dior, Louis,YSL, Givenchy, Chloe, Hermes, all the stars, but none of you.  Stop being petty fools and earn your keep.

    Posted on Reply
    • The Betchiest Betch says:

      I love how the psychologist betch capitalized “Psychologist” and “Sons” like they’re proper fucking nouns.  Take your Porsche and drive it to the nearest Sylvan Learning Center….or into a tree. xx

      Posted on Reply
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